That's Why You See me Smile ... if You See me Cry

That's Why You See me Smile ... if You See me Cry
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee (Tommy named me Granny Gee before he died ... I'm not a Granny Gee in my life) ...

Tears are just beneath the surface
Much closer than even I thought
Doesn't take much for them to spill over

Example ... a friend sent me a special poem
About a loved one who is gone
She said don't you cry, this is beautiful

I knew I wouldn't cry, and read
It was beautiful I thought
I felt something wet on my cheeks

I was crying when I didn't know
Didn't know there were tears still left
I felt heaviness in my Heart

I realized I will never stop crying
I will never stop grieving
Because I'll never stop missing you

Love is that way ... there will always be a sadness
In my Heart because you are gone
Meaning you were important, special in my life

I miss you, Son ... it still hurts so bad
It's easier now to push the grief back in
Like putting the stuffing back into a pillow

It spills out of a hole that one has to mend
I push it back in ... put a few stitches in
They are never too tight so, I can still feel

Feel the grief ... love in my Heart
For my son who has gone away
Grief can be healthy, good

Depending on how we want to handle it
I chose to make my grief as good as possible
That's why you see me smile ... if you see me cry



Note by this author:

Thank you, Diane MacKay ... you inspired this poem by sharing that beautiful, Heart-touching poem.  It touched my Heart ... in the deepest way.

Photos/poem are owned/written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

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• Dusted Memories ... Go Away
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• Fabric of Life ...
• "Mama ... Everything's Going To Be Alright" ...

Milk Carton Ring Tabs ... Do You Have a Suggestion?

Milk Carton Ring Tabs ...  Do You Have a Suggestion?
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Photo of milk carton tab ... photo owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I've been saving milk carton ring tabs for over a year now.  Why?  Because I know ... one can make things from them.  What?

That's what I'm asking ... what?  I've seen where one can make fun rings to wear with all kinds of materials.  One could make the little thimble-sized pin cushions ... just stick it on your finger to put pins in when sewing.

I would like to find something 'more intricate ... more special' to make with my ring tabs.  Something that ... makes it worth saving them for this long!

If you have any suggestions ... tips, ideas ... would you share them with me?  I have one ring tab sitting here ... staring at it ever so often ... so far ... nothing comes to my mind.

Is it because 'nothing' can be made from them?  Have I wasted my time ... saving ring tabs?

I saw some years ago ... online ... where a woman was wanting all the ring tabs she could get.  I never did read what she did with them ... I think I may have asked, getting no answer.  Maybe it was a jealousy-guarded secret?

I would share what I came up with ... I need to be inspired by the Ring Tab Fairy!  Are you the Ring Tab Fairy?  If so, let me know ... if I use your idea I will put you on my blog ... share photos of what I made from your idea.

I look forward to being inspired!  Tell me what you'd make with your milk carton ring tabs.



Post/photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Eating at K & W Cafeteria ...

Eating at K & W Cafeteria ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

'Granny Gee' ... artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Seven-layered salad ... looks so good that I'm almost tempted to jump into it ... clothed in lettuce leaves.  I'd close my eyes, swim in the layers making the peas dance around like little beach balls ... get all creamy in the mayonnaise ... nibble at everything colorful in my path.  I love seven-layered salad!

Hamburger steak relaxing on a bed of white rice ... gravy spread on top like a cosy, warm blanket.  You feel you must be gentle when you cut a little piece of it to eat.  Do not disturb ... that hamburger steak is resting.  Your mouth waters at the thought of putting a piece of it in your mouth ... savoring every little taste of it for as long as possible.  Close your eyes if you do this ... to get the full benefit of tasting!

A refreshing glass of tea ... amber in color surrounds little cubes of ice.  Lemon draped over the ice ... lemon juice swirls around mixing perfectly with the tea ... the best flavor ever!  Please pass that pitcher of tea!

Chocolate pie with creamy white whipped cream swirled, shaped into designs.  Chocolate drizzled over like a satin ribbon.  It's a sin to eat such a beautiful pie.  One should wear it like a fancy dress with a lacey slip ... with pride.  The finishing touch would be a pair of chocolate stilleto heels to match.  Be careful when out ... you could come home with bites taken out of you!

Strawberry cake ... thick, white frosting on the outside ... white cake in the middle ... thick, white creamy filling in the middle of each layer.  Huge strawberry on top ... strawberry syrup drizzled over it ... glistening in the light. What kind of cake is that? A damn good cake ... that's what it is!

So many good foods, desserts to choose from ... colors, foods arranged to please the eye.  One wants to taste it all ... alas, it comes down to choosing a meat and 2 vegetables, dessert, drink.

People standing behind you ... nudging you to hurry!  Hurry, make your decisions on what to choose to eat!  Hurry!  We want some, too!


Note by this author:

We ate supper with friends last week ... we went to the K & W Cafeteria.  Instantly ... it conjures up images of colorful, wonderful dishes of good food to choose from.

The only problem is you can't stand there as long as you want to delight in seeing the arrangements on the platters, plates, saucers.  Art ... pure art that I appreciate.  I just have to look fast as I move through the line!  :)

Photo/artwork, story owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

They Just Didn't Know How Many Trains Had Hit Me ...

Photos of Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee (Skip and Camie)

Well, as you can see ... I'm beginning to look better.  Grief plays havoc on one's soul, body ... mentally.  It played Hell with my ... everything.  I have looked like Hell for 5 years.  

Guess what?  I didn't care ... I didn't give a damn how I looked ... much less how you thought I should look or didn't look.  'Didn't make me no never mind'.  

Something clicked in me about 2 months ago ... since ... I have begun feeling good inside, outside.  I've taken an interest in dressing pretty once again  ... wearing make-up, earrings ... and all sorts of things.  

I wonder if you can see the difference?  I know that several times for a short time my photos reflected 'me' where I looked nice again.  It never lasted long ... grief kept sucking me into the darkness where I constantly fought to stay afloat.  I could have allowed myself to drown in the pain ... that fighting spirit I have ... even I'm amazed at it.  Where did it come from?

I think of my Grandma Alma ... it came from her.  She was paralyzed for many years after a stroke ... as a little girl living in her house ... I watched her fighting spirit.  She never stopped.

My Grandma Alma was an amazing woman ... I truly wish I knew her now, as the adult woman I have become.  She never showed her fear no matter she wasn't physically able to defend herself.  Defend herself she did!  When Grandma Alma raised Hell ... everyone stopped to listen ... if they didn't ... all Hell broke loose.  That was when Grandma Alma had had enough.

Grandma Alma and the only grandfather I ever knew ... George ... protected me as a little girl.  I think of them when I look back to see where I learned strength ... otherwise, where did it come from?  

Grandma Alma was paralyzed ... George was blind.  They were weak ... but, they were the strongest people I've ever known ... excepting Skip.  They faced things head-on ... and no matter how it hurt them, scared them ... they faced it with burning hell-fire.  Fight fire with fire ... they didn't back down ... they always had to fight for something ... even to have peace in their own home.  Peace never lasted more than a few minutes ... unless everyone was asleep.  Hell would break loose ... waking everyone up.

Sometimes ... I saw George who was a big man ... lose.  As a little girl, I remember the pain in my Heart ... watching a big man fall.  Even as young as I was ... I knew that was so wrong.  I saw someone knock him down ... I have never forgotten.  He was blind ... the person who did it was a ... female.  It was so wrong ... oh my God ... it was so wrong, so awful.

Grandma Alma and George lived in Hell ... I grew up in Hell ...  Hell was raised every day of their life.  I can raise Hell with the best of them ... but, I don't choose to.  Not many people have ever seen me raise Hell ... but, I promise you ... it's very ugly.  That's why I don't choose to do it ... when I do it, I go for blood and I mean to win. 

 I learned that as a child ... I could have grown up to be ... a really bad person.  I didn't have it in me.  I only have it in me when my life, my loved ones, or someone ... or an animal can't defend themselves.  Oh my God ... all Hell could break loose ... and it all be silent.  

Silent Hell ... with a little, sweet smile that isn't sweet.  That's me ... I don't like that at all.  My Grandma Alma could do that ... one knew to watch out ... the Devil was coming for them ... the thing was ... they never knew when it would strike.  That was the beauty of it!  I loved my Grandma Alma ... I can see her in my mind's eye ....

Sitting in her old, upholstered rocking recliner ... when you looked into her clear, sharp blue eyes ... you saw such intelligence.  She could hold her own in a conversation ... and match wits with the best.  She had to have been something else before ... she had that horrible stroke.  I heard only good things about her ... before her stroke.  She worked very hard, and she had a flair for dressing.  When she loved ... she loved.

Her hair was white, her skin very smooth ... the sun never got a chance to kiss it with lines, wrinkles.  She had a laugh that would make everyone feel happy for hearing it.  She could laugh as much as she could ... cuss.  My Grandma Alma ... 'didn't take no shit'.  If she did ... and you didn't know her ... you didn't know ... Hell was coming for you until it was too late.

Most people in my family turned to drugs, alcohol to cope with all the terrible things in life.  As a young person, I tried to experiment ... I was too damn chicken to do anything ... yet, I had to save pride and say yes, I know what such and such feels like.  Well, my secret is ... I don't know jack-shit what a lot of things taste ... or feel like.  When young ... people are so dumb ... why does one feel like they have to pretend they did this or that ... they are the bravest, and will do things no one else has the nerve to? 

I was the square when everyone else was round ... and I like round shapes better than square shapes!  I don't like points at all!  The funny thing is ... only the people (very few, I promise) who were close to me ... knew that I wasn't ...  'wild, daring, unafraid of anything'.

 I was realistic ... I just met things head-on ... 'if you are going to kill me ... do it, or shut up'!  :)  I meet things in life without drugs, alcohol ... even pain medicines I really need.  

Why?  God, don't ask me 'why?'  I think back to being a little girl ... I'm in Grandma Alma's semi-dark bedroom ... there's a little night-table ... on the surface are many, many bottles of pills.  Oh, the fear inside me ... oh, Grandma ... you could die if you don't take all these medicines!  I promised when I got big ... I wasn't going to have a lot of medicines to take so, I could live.  I never wanted her to die.  Wow ... I just felt the hot sting of tears behind my eyelids ... so much pain that's been buried.  I need to let that rest now. 

No one knew I learned to fear drugs, alcohol as a little girl.  I knew it helped to create the Hell I lived in, and the physical and mental pain ... I suffered.  Not only that ... all the other children who had to come live at Grandma Alma, and George's house.  Some got to escape sooner than others ... into another Hell ... somewhere else.  I don't think many of us ever knew calm, peace and quiet as a child.  No one would believe ... what was amazing as I grew older ... was finding out it wasn't ... normal.  It wasn't the way all children had to live.  Damn ... wasn't that a bitch!

The thing is ... I 'fooled' everyone into thinking I was the ... coolest thing!  That was part of the game of Life as a young person ... the secret was ' fool someone into thinking you are something ... you are not'.  How many people do I see 'now' ... walking 'in my shoes'?  I can name them right and left.  

They feel they have to impress, make others think they have more than the other ... everyone knows if you have the best ... that means you are the best, right?  Damn ... a young person can be so stupid, waste so much time in caring what everyone thinks.  

Material things ... do ... not ... make ... a person.  They only make them vain, selfish, lots of times ... ugly people who are braggarts.  Everybody knows one or two in their life.  No one wants them around ... they get sick and damn tired of listening to how much this cost, how much that cost ... and mine is bigger than yours ... and you don't have one!

Now ... as an older woman ... you can think what you want as long as I know who I am, and am happy with that person ... me.  I am my best friend ... I like me.  I am a good person ... I didn't say perfect person ... because I'm not ... but, I'm one of the best people I know ... even if I could be 'mean' as well as be ... good.

So, this is me today ... I feel my face is beginning to reflect the peace I have found inside ... regarding my son's death ... all the deaths in my family ... the very ass people I loved with my very Heart.  So many ...

I keep thinking about what the oncologist told me not long ago ... 'you shouldn't be here today'.  Maybe I am here because so many terrible things happened ... and all I could focus on was using my fighting spirit to get through them ... never knowing I was supposed to die.  Damn ... everyone else I loved ... died.  No one knew ... they ... were going to die.  There was a time I 'knew' I was dying ... and later, several more times ... knew I was going to die.  I lived, they didn't.  So, what's up with that?

My only child ... Tommy.  I knew he was always going to be there. Even he died ... so, what am I to think?  What do you think?  Do you realize that I have about 20 family members I truly loved in my life ... who died in the past 10-12 years?  Very few are left today ... very few are in my life ... less than 3 fingers on my hand.

I almost lost Skip in a terrible tractor-trailer wreck in New Mexico.  I lost all in a house fire ... both Skip and I survived cancer ... we both fought to live for 6 years.  I almost died ... congested heart failure.  Oh God, the list goes on ... but, I won't.  It's just too ... tiresome to sit now ... think of all of them.

I don't ever dwell on all these things ... I just keep going forward ... as far as I can away from these things.  So, you can see how my fighting spirit was, has been in action ... constantly.  So ... somehow my focus was on the future ... even when I wasn't aware of it ... getting past all the terrible things happening in my life ... that I didn't know I was supposed to die.

It's the only thing I can think of.  I wonder how you could explain it ... and you don't even know the half of the 'bad' things that happened in really a 'short' time.

See ... I didn't even know I 'shouldn't be here today' ... until several weeks ago.  I am a sixteen-year survivor of cancer.  Skip is a fourteen-year cancer survivor.

Through time ... I have seen the shock, horror in people's eyes when they saw me ... they knew I looked like a train-wreck ... they just didn't know how many trains had ... hit me.  

Strange thing here ... no one came up to express concern ... the mean person in me thinks exactly this:  'f___ them'.  They will ... get their day.  Only I hope I have it in me ... to feel compassion for them.  Maybe I will ... maybe I won't.  That's the 'ugly' person in me saying this because ... I told you ... I ... am ... not ... perfect.  The good thing here is ... I do care!  :)  I never-ever wish bad for anyone.

Another crazy-ass thing is how so many people can know you for years ... never bother to question what in the hell happened to you ... for you 'to look like that'.  They pretend not to see.  In my case, I was glad ... I didn't want anyone to ask me anything.  A lot of people went on their own way glad to see that I didn't look like I once did ... after all ... everyone's glad when someone who has been attractive ... looks like a train has hit them.  Especially ... women.  It's a 'woman thing'.  Don't you agree?  

Now, I'm 'coming back' ...  I'm 'seeing things' in the very people who pretended not to see me when I lived the worst years of my life ... who pretended to care 'before' that.  Sometimes, I don't have compassion and I'm glad ... until my Heart takes over.  Yes ... I do care.  Even if no one cared how many trains had hit me.

Worrying About Complete Strangers ...

Worrying About Complete Strangers ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

We were in KFC sitting at a table where we could watch the tv mounted on the wall.

I noticed a woman come in, she set her 2 backpacks down on the floor.  She put her cup on the table. I heard her talking ... I thought she probably had a bluetooth on her ear.  I talk on mine whenever I'm having a conversation on my cellphone ... people don't see the bluetooth when I do.  They think I'm talking to myself.

The woman was moving around, walking close by us.  She was into her conversation.  I told Skip I hoped she wasn't walking in the heat.  I worried she was hungry.  She was a strange looking woman.  I felt she was homeless ... walking.

Her hair was cut like a man's hair, she could have been a man ... I saw her boobs.  When I looked in her face, I saw 'hell in her eyes'.  She had on an old sleeveless tee shirt, and baggy shorts.  There were scars on the back of her head like ... she'd had brain surgery, or something.

Skip told me it was best not to say anything to her ... sometimes, when you wish to do good ... it could turn out 'bad'.  I'm glad I listened to him ... because he was right.

A few minutes later, a man come in to eat from the buffet.  He paid for his food, went to get what he wanted, then he sat down on the other side of us.  He began talking ... to himself.

We have always seen this man walking, eating in the fast food places in town.  He was a local man and he was always talking to himself.  We would never let anyone bother him if we saw someone trying to ... and if someone laughed at him ... I would get up and go ask them not to.  He can't help it.

I don't know anything about him ... but, through the years I felt protective ... we are like that when people, children look as if they need an extra eye out for them.  We don't tell them ... we just listen, and know if all's all right.  If we all did that ... maybe people would be safer.

It was the same with the woman ... she was talking to herself.  She sat on one side of us talking ... he sat on the other side talking ... both talking to themselves.

The woman was getting agitated.  I was glad I listened to Skip.  In a few minutes I saw her began talking loud, angry to another woman who had brought her food to a table near her.  She told that woman she needed to go on a diet.

The woman who just put her food on the table, didn't like that.  She also, didn't know there was something wrong with the woman who told her she needed to go on a diet.  She told the woman that her man liked big women ... she began saying things back.

I saw what Skip meant ... the woman who talked to herself was getting angrier.  I'm so glad I didn't say anything to her .... even if I would have been trying to be ... good.

The big woman got up to get napkins ... I quietly told her that we'd been there for a while.  I told her that it might be best not to say things back to the talking woman ... that she wasn't right.  She understood then ... we left so, I hope she didn't say anything else.

This was the day we went to KFC to eat chicken, and everyone was talking to themselves.

I worried for those 2 people.  I worked around patients like them.  You don't usually see them alone out just anywhere ... something could happen to them.  I worried they had no one to care for them, love them.

Have you worried for complete strangers when encountering them out anywhere?

I Died Last Night ... Tommy Came to See

I Died Last Night ... Tommy Came to See
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I had just died ... I was laying on my bed.  I could see my son, Tommy ... who is deceased ... come to stand, look at me to see if I was really dead.  Somehow ... I could see up to know it was him.

To let him know, I was really dead ... I moved my body by shifting slightly ... and died again.  Somehow ... I was in a position of someone who had really died.  I knew he would know once I did that.

This is what I dreamed last night.  Isn't this the strangest dream ever?  I wasn't afraid ... no bad stuff ... I just simply died.

Tommy had simply come to see if it was true that I had died.  He died five years ago.  Tommy is my son, the only child I ever had.

Dreams ... have meanings.  I have no idea what the meaning of my dream is.  It was so peaceful ... quiet.  I had just died ... simple as that.

What do you think?

A Wife's Prayer ...

A Wife's Prayer ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Being grateful for many things I have become
Never taking for granted even one
Here today ... it all could be gone tomorrow

Life changes fast ... sometimes, good things last
Sometimes, they go away as fast as they came into our lives
For now, I'm thankful for the little extra things we have in life

We've done without so long ... I don't know how long this will last
Things don't come easily anymore ... not without blood, sweat, tears
We aren't as young as we used to be when the world was ours

Sickness, medical problems, doctors ... took everything
Made it difficult to spring back to having it good once again in life
So now, we are happy with what comes our way

He works hard for his age doing something he has never done
Never knew he'd have to ever do ... his body older, not as strong
There should be a time of rest, and relaxation for a man

A man who has worked hard in his life ... a time to go fishing
Do the things he has always wanted to do
A time of happiness over the simplest things

I know a man who never knows anything but, hard work
No matter how sick he gets, how bad he feels
There's never no rest for his weary bones, he'll work until he dies

My wish for him is that he'll win a lottery, come into big money
So, he can do all the simple things he wishes to do
When the time came to retire ... he couldn't

In today's time ... an older man will go to his grave
Never getting the chance to know what it feels like
To rest, know the pleasure of waking up ... retired

It breaks my Heart because I know one man who deserves it
Yet, he can't stop ... there's work to be done, bills to pay
There's no rest for this older man ... he'll work until he dies

He works hard, treats people good ... makes up for any mistakes
He has ever made in his life ... this man deserves the best
Yet, Life has dealt him a rough hand to play out

I hope, pray that now, at this time in his life
He has a good hand to play ... one that will make the rest of his life
A pleasure ... to wake up each day

Maybe go fishing ... go to a museum, or a movie
Not worry about how the bills will be paid
I pray the Lord to help my Husband find rest, relaxation

Find it soon at this time in his life
Let his tired body, mind know how it feels to be completely rested
Let his smiles be from happiness inside his Heart

I pray the Lord to keep
My Husband safe, and sound
Give him a good life now ... to know the pleasures of older life

I close my eyes to go to sleep
With a soft smile on my lips
I believe ... Lord ... that my prayer will come true

Thank you Lord from my Heart
For this good man who has cared for me
Cared for me through illness, and good health

He is my soulmate, my best Friend
I love him with my very Heart
He and our two Pups ... are my whole world

I've known true love, caring
For many years with this man
I've been blessed, fortunate ... Thank you, God

He put my needs, wants before his
Cared for my feelings with his Heart
I've never known such pure love in this Life

I've been blessed, fortunate ... Thank you, God
Thank you for my Pups, Special Husband
No matter how good, bad Life has been ... he has been by my side

I am getting older now ... I'm not alone
Thank you, God for blessing me
Giving me my Husband all these years ... at this time in my Life

I've been blessed, fortunate ... Thank you, God
For my Husband, Protector, Best Friend
I pray you'll hear my prayers to make the rest of his Life

Easier ... to know how it feels to rest
To rest his body ... his mind, his soul
Know how it feels to be happy every day of his life

Without working himself into his grave
Thank you, Lord from my very Heart
This is my prayer for my Husband.  Amen



Artwork ... a paint doodle/Photo is by me, owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Note by this Author:

I was sitting here thinking about how hard Skip works to take care of me, and our Pups.  He has tried to retire, had to go back to work.

I pray for a miracle ... I do know that miracles happen as we are a miracle ... for good things to happen to make it possible for Skip to retire ... to know how it feels to get up in the mornings without so much stress ... be able to smile, know it's okay to rest ... go fishing, do things he's wanted to do for so long, and hasn't been able to.  He deserves it.  Anything he has ever done in life ... he has made up for being a good person ... the best friend, husband in this world.

Biggest ... Baddest of Them All

Biggest, Baddest Ass of All...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

You are the biggest, baddest ass of all
Everyone clears a path for you
When you come through

Don't no one dare to piss you off
They will be beaten to a pulp by you
Yes, you are the biggest, baddest of them all

You commit your hideous crimes
No one would think of
Much less have the nerve to do

Yes, you are the baddest of them all
Everyone looks up to you
Why?  They are scared of you or have something to gain

I find it strange ... Mr. Big-Badass
When you beat, murder someone
You run like a coward ... hide, hoping not to be found

Why, Mr. Big-Badass ... why would you hide?
You know you're the biggest, baddest bad-ass
No one has the nerve to mess with you

So, tell me why you run ... why do you hide?
What are you afraid of, Mr. Big-Badass
Someone bigger is going to cut you down to size?

Make you lose face ... step on that badass pride?
Everyone will quit being afraid of your ass?
Hey, Mr. Big-Badass ...there's always someone who is baddest of them all!


Note by this Author:

I was thinking of a prison break in the news not long ago.  The thoughts came to me that there's always 'the biggest, baddest of them all' ... in every part of our life.

They are the ones who aren't afraid of anything ... will do anything.  If they are so tough ... why do they run?  Why would they be afraid of a mere little bullet, or of getting their asses kicked?

I mean ... aren't they the biggest, baddest of them all?  Yet ... let their stomaches hurt, get a toothache, have an earache ... you'll hear them moan, groan ... cry.  What's up with that, Mr. Big-Badass?

I have had these thoughts for many years ... no one ever mentions it.  So, now ... I'll give voice to my thoughts ... hey, Mr. Big-Badass ... there's always someone bigger, better than you!

Photos/story are owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Poor Thing ... to Poor Old Granny Gee! :)

Poor Thing ... to Poor Old Granny Gee!   :)
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter/Facebook.com/grannygee

'Granny Gee' ... artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates

Poor thing ... let me get that door for you!  Noticing how frail, thin the old woman was ... I knew the door to the gas station was heavy for her to open.  I held it open as she hobbled inside to pay for her gas.  She had to be at least 65 years old or older.  I held it open while forgetting the pain in my own body.

I went to pump gas in my vehicle.  The old man next to my stall was trying to hold the gas pump nozzle to put gas inside his tank.  Poor old thing just couldn't seem to put it in the hole.  I stopped the gas on mine, stepped across the aisle, told him to please let me help him.  I told him I sometimes, had problems myself.  I proceeded to pump gas.  I was glad to help that old man out.  Damn ... my knees were hurting from stepping across.

I went to Wakefield to Rex Medical Center, to keep my appointment with the doctor.  There was an old woman walking very slowly with her walker.  I knew it was going to be very hard for that lady to open the heavy door.  My legs were hurting as I hurried to get to the door first.  I held it open for her, she went inside as she thanked me.  Poor old woman.  My right thumb was throbbing ... the door was heavy even for me!

As I was waiting for the elevator door to close, a woman who was probably in her forties, began rushing on her crutches to beat the elevator door.  I managed to stop the doors from closing.  She wasn't a poor old person ... but, she definitely needed some help.  I could feel in my body as I helped her.

The elevator door opened, and I walked out into the open waiting room, big windows made it seem part of the hallway.  My knees were killing me.  I needed help ... I was desperate to get relief that wracked my body.

I was seen by the PA, she gave me 2 injections, one in each knee.  I could already feel the relief I knew would soon follow.  Oh, thank God.  I wanted to cry.  I'd been suffering for a month now.

I was sitting in a tall chair close by when the PA took a moment to look at me.  She asked me how tall I was.  I told her I was 5 feet, one and one-half inches.  She said, "you poor thing ... your feet can barely reach the floor"!  Would you believe that pissed me off?  "Poor thing"? ..............

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee

Then ... on second thought ... she didn't see me as I saw 'me'.  I saw old people all around me ... forgetting that ... hey, I'm getting older, also.  I'm beginning to go from 'poor thing to ... poor old thing'!  I just know that's coming ... next!

I don't know that I'm prepared for that ... so, that's why I'm making changes with myself ... slow, but sure.   I might go to being a belly-dancing Granny Gee in my eighties ... or to a parachuting Granny Gee in my seventies ... or be a wild, happy Granny Gee in my sixties.  Who knows ... my sign is Aquarius ... suits me to a T.  I saw pole-dancing on tv today ... (;  

I just be damned if I'm giving it up without one last fight.  I'm not going from 'poor thing' to 'poor old thing' ... no time soon. Save it for someone else.  It's too easy to be sucked into the 'old, decrepit world'... Not!

Some people can do it gracefully ... I thought I would.  Now, I'm seeing I'm not ... going in easy ... I'll be kicking, fighting all the way.  I'm just on the ... outside ... of the 'Old Age Jar' ... I'm just not going in!

When I can't move ... I will sit in silence with a sweet, little Granny Gee smile ... then, I'll play the game of accepting old age with grace.

Why old Granny Gee is getting old gracefully ... ain't she?  I'll hide my frustration ... smile a Granny Gee smile.  This will probably be about the time I am 100 years old.  I know it will just plain piss me off if I hear someone say that!

My Grandmother Lola lived to 100 years old ... just as strong, intelligent as always.  She never had any health problems that threatened to bring her down ... if she did, she hid them.  She was beautiful, positive all the way ... to the end.  I have her in mind ...

Just because I'm getting 'older' doesn't mean I'm a 'poor old thing' ... oh!  I need to remember that in my way of thinking about ... old people, too!

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Being old is like being in disguise.  Like going to a party with a mask of OLD on.  No one recognizes you ... maybe sometimes, they stop a brief moment thinking ... 'mmm-mmmm, that looks like someone I ... used to know'!  Well, I'm fortunate there ... people recognize me easy ... even with weight gain.  So ... maybe I have something to work with ... yet!  :)

Am I going into 'second childhood' ... how would I know?  I know I'm not being slicked into 'Old Age' without a fight.  I have missed a lot of years on my living ... I mean to have them.  No one's putting me in that jar of Old Age!

Childhood photo of Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ...

Do you think I'm going from 'poor thing' to 'poor old Granny Gee'?  :)

Today ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Note by this Author:
Photos/writing are owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Stay tuned ... this show ain't over yet.  :)   Oh, and I'll break any Old Age Jars that come my way ... and bend the lids so, they'll never twist on!  Maybe someone can escape when I do ... that wasn't ready to go in it either!  :)

Goodbye Fat Girl!

Goodbye Fat Girl!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ...



Goodbye fat girl ... I'm crawling out of you
To get out into the world ... to see the light
Oh my!  My eyes open wide to see such a sight!

Excited, I climb through the fat, blubber
Gently parting it back on either side of me
Smile as I look around at the world I see!

It's been a long time fat girl
Since I've been out in the world
Let me out so, I can dance ... twirl!

I've been in comforting darkness
Hiding out so ... no one could see
The sad person who is ... me

I step out slowly ready to turn back
To be a fat girl once again if need be
The world pulls me out ... to the slender me!

Leaving my fat girl behind
Leave my fat girl front, side
Let my slender girl into this world ... glide!

Goodbye fat girl, it's time for you to go
I can let go of you now ... you let go of me
It's okay ... it's me now ... not we!

Thank you for hiding me in my weakness
I'm strong now ... ready to go out in the world
Once again ... give it another twirl!





Note by this Author:  Photos/artwork/poem owned and written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter/@grannygee

I have working on myself for the past 2 months ... I see I'm going to make it.  I won't say anything more, the poem speaks for itself ... soon, photos will.  All I can say is:  Thank you Fat Girl for protecting me until I was strong enough to come back to this world once again.  Everything is going to be all right.