I Wonder Who Put In My Head As A Little Girl To Be Beautiful As My Mother?

 I Wonder Who Put In My Head As A Little Girl To Be As Beautiful As My Mother?

Skip's favorite photo of me ... when I was trying to be beautiful like my mother. I look back ... I was too focused on trying to be beautiful 'just like my mom' ... so much time wasted ... priorities not in order. 

I Wonder Who Put In My Head To Be Beautiful As My Mother?

I did make it to being 'beautiful ' ... I lived in a world as a young woman where being 'beautiful' was everything. I loved looking in the mirror at 'ME'. Was I vain ... I must have been to do that ... I still had such a big Heart. Can a truly vain person have a big Heart, love, care about others? 

I like my photo ... I just wish I knew then ... what I knew now. I truly, really wish that. It seemed I was always distracted by all that was colorful, glittered, beautiful... thinking that was real life. Naive, naive, naive. 

I flew high in a rich, beautiful world full of lights, interesting people... my mother used to say, "Faye, don't fly so high you can't  fall".

I was one of those younger people who 'knew everything'. Oh my, when my rude awakening happened... I paid the price. There are consequences for everything.

I look back ... I have learned Life's lessons the hard way ... I became an even better person for it all, thankfully. I wonder who put in my head as a little girl to be as beautiful as my mother?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates  ... 11-03-2022 Shared from my writing site: myLot.com. 

Update On Skip's Eye ... Another Mystery To Solve

 

Update on Blood In Skip's Right Eye ... Next Mystery To Solve

This morning I took Skip to Raleigh to address the blood in his right eye. The blood happened since he had cataract surgery on that eye October 4th.

Diabetes causes it. He was given an injection in that eye today. He has another appointment in several weeks. He will get another injection, after that ... I think laser treatments.

For those who talked to me about the pickup truck. I am so glad I had the tires checked,  all tires have 40 lbs. of air in each. The antifreeze and oil  were good ... I had taken care of them. This morning I didn't stress driving it. I knew I had done good.

Now ... my next mystery to solve ... come to think of it ... I don't know where the power steering fluid ... nor the brake fluid reservoirs are! I am going to look on YouTube to get information. I am learning!

Note: Shared from my writing site ... myLot.com by Gloria Brown Bates  ... 11-03-2022.

All I Need Are My Pink Tools!

NOVEMBER 2, 2022 3:36PM CST

This morning before daylight I took Skip's flashlight outside to our pickup truck. We had to leave early to go Holly Springs, NC. I needed to check the oil, check the antifreeze. Skip used to do this, when he got sick I began doing it. Skip always says that the fluids are the life of the motor, vehicle. You have to always make sure you keep them up. Our pickup truck is a 2003 model and we have an Expedition that is a 1997 model They both are older now ... they have rarely had any mechanical issues. I don't like to drive them far nor drive them in the very, very heavy traffic we have here now. The wear and tear, having to brake so often is hard on an older vehicle. We aren't in the position to replace them, so we take care of them. The positive is we have owned them for years, have no vehicle payments. That I am most thankful for. We will get up for the 3rd morning this week to be in Raleigh, NC for Skip's appointment for his right eye. He had the cataract surgery for that eye on October 4th ... there's blood in it now. He was seeing so well until that happened. Skip describes it like seeing spider veins in his eye or like oil in his eye blurring his vision. It hurts my Heart, he has been through so much with his whole body. I feel like we are on the cusp of many, many good ... happy things happening in our life. Skip is going to be alright. This evening after getting back to town I stopped at the tire shop, had the tires checked. Gracious, all the tires needed air to bring them up to 40 lbs in each. Thankfully, I did that. Too dangerous driving in the wild traffic when the tires aren't right. I am going to go out to the Expedition now ... raise the hood, step up onto my little footstool, check the fluid for the power steering system. I noticed the last time I drove it ... I heard a little 'squealy' sound. Someone suggested doing this. Time to go check it out! I think I'm becoming a mechanic! All I need are my pink tools!!!  

Shared from my writing site: myLot.com  by Gloria Faye Brown Bates.  Photo is of me, owned by me.

Prep Time ... The Room was In A Flurry Of Activity

Several nurses came into Skip's room to get him prepped for his left eye cataract surgery. For a short time the room was in a flurry as each nurse completed her job. You know how it is being at a drive-thru car wash ... each component has its own job to do ... lots of commotion ... then ... all of a sudden everything is done, all gets quiet.

A nurse just came to transfer him to another bed ... the special bed ... the one with a head cradle on it to stabilize the head during eye surgery. Now, Skip is on the special bed ready to be wheeled at any moment to operating room. While I wait I will go down to 2nd floor, grab a cup of coffee, come back ... entertain myself with my tablet. I will be glad when we are home. Camie hated to see us leave. She is as glad to see us as we are her when we've been away.

November 01, 2022.

Shared from my writing site ... myLot.com ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates 

Skip Gets Cataract Surgery ... November 01, 2022

Tomorrow morning we have to get up early. We have to be in Holly Springs, North Carolina for Skip to have a left eye cataract surgery.

He had his right eye done on October 4th ... he could see so well until ... a small blood vessel burst in his eye. He has blood in his eye now. Since ... his vision isn't as good. He sees veins. I can see it hurts him ... makes him worry about seeing good again. It hurts my Heart. My prayer for him is to finally see well ... he has been legally blind for some time now due to those cataracts.

This is shared from my writing site ... myLot.com. Photo of Skip, owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates 

 

As A Writer You Are Supposed To Write About Things You Know Best

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates. 

OCTOBER 31, 2022 6:42PM CST

This is shared from my writing site ... myLot.com 

Grief ... real life ... no sugar-coating. Happiness, sadness ... bittersweet ... Life hurts ... Life feels good. I write about grief, real life without sugar-coating in a positive way. When we write we are supposed to write about things we know best. When my only child died ... I promised my followers then I would write about grief ... how it really feels. I already wrote real life. My real life. You won't ever see me write to hurt another person. I tell my stories, I can't tell someone else's story. I say this to let anyone who reads ME know to never feel sorry, pity for me. I don't write to gain sympathy, I write because I have to write to live just as I have to create to live ... because I'm ME. I do all in a good, positive way though ... sometimes to tell my stories I share sadness, grief ... really how something felt. For you to know I have to describe ... as a writer I do that. There are good things in my life ... no matter how bad in my life gets I look for the positive. I write in detail just as I draw, paint in detail. Details are important to me ... details make all more real, important as they should be. Details are ... interesting. I don't write to just be writing. What I write is what I personally know, feel ... think, know best in my life. I've known many tragedies, deaths, abuse as a child, bullying as a child ... the list goes on. Today I am an older woman (don't ask my age ... even if you know ... I won't tell you ). I am a walking book ... truthfully, a very interesting book. Looking at me ... you can't judge this book by its cover. I don't look like I've been through Hell in my life ... in my childhood. I don't want to look like it. I am going to age gracefully. I am not letting negative make me into a mean, cold, hard, old, bitter woman. I am proud I didn't let the bad in my life dominate me. I meant to overcome ... keep sunshine in my life. The one time I almost didn't overcome was when I lost my son. Oh my. Time to time I will write about how it really felt, feels ... how a mother has to pretend everything is alright when yes, it's alright but, it's not ... but, it is. I prefer to be alright ... I am going to be alright ... I am alright. I am going to write about my thoughts ... some are funny, some aren't. Just know you never have to feel sorry, or pity for me. Some people have given me advice thinking I'm 'wallowing' in pity in the past I'm sure ... I have to set them straight ... I write this way. If you feel what I write ... as a writer I've done good. I don't know ... I don't think anyone remembers me writing here some years ago. I see people I remember, and liked. They used to know my style of writing. So ... now, no one seems to know, remember me ... I let you know upfront how I write. I write real life ... simple as that. That's what I know best ... my life. I look forward to meeting you, making friends, reading your stories, communicating.

Don't Forget The Ones Who Helped You When You Hit Rock Bottom

 Shared from myLot.com ... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates 

Lately, I have had this wonderful feeling inside that something good is going to happen in our lives.

 

Have you ever experienced such? It has been some time since I have. This morning I got straight up from bed making it as I got up ... feeling amazing happiness in my Heart. I don't know what, when, where ... I do know whatever it is will be amazing, wonderful. Time will tell ... and it will be in the near future. This is what I feel. I have been dreaming for several days ... feeling inside as if my dream has come true ... seeing in my mind all that I see that fits with my dream ... taking deep sighs of happiness as if ... it's already happened! Our thoughts are important ... I read we become what we think about. I am a believer in these words. It's been a long time since I have focused on other than taking care of Skip to get him back on even keel. For the past several days I have my mind focused on what I want to happen now. I am going to make it happen. Not only for me ... I'm not a selfish person. When good things happen to me ... I make them happen for others who have been good to me, cared about me ... Skip, Camie our 9 year old Pup. Lord knows there are people who have lifted us when we hit rock bottom when Skip began experiencing strokes, heart problems, kidney failure and such serious issues. I had several medical things happen ... open heart surgery for one. All began 2016 ... we have come so far since. I hope the day comes when I make possible some of these people's dreams, at least give back. I truly believe Skip and I would have been homeless if no one had cared for us. I don't forget ... I have my book with a list of the people who have cared about us never asking anything in return. I don't forget. So now, while I can ... I am focusing on good things to happen, come true for us. I can imagine doing good things for others ... never letting them know I did it. Skip and I used to feel wonderful when we drove a tractor-trailer ... see homeless people, people down on their luck ... giving to them in a big way. We just cared so much. Giving feels wonderful ... having feels wonderful. When you give it comes back. We've learned how it feels to receive when others cared, and gave to us in these past six years. We know how it all feels now. Photo of Skip and me in 2019. Photo owned by Gloria Brown Bates

I Have A Secret ... My Secret Is .....

 

Sharing from my writing site on:  myLot.com

When I went grocery shopping not long ago. I did something maybe I shouldn't have ... shouldn't have doesn't stop me if I think there's a good reason for it! Sometimes, I feel I have to justify in my mind ... sometimes, I don't.

I have my way of thinking about things just as you do. I will tell you what happened... when I tell all ... you are welcomed to voice your opinion ... of course with respect.

I walked by the meat department thinking about getting chicken ... we like chicken ... Camie, our 9 year old Pup loves it!

I always try to have portions of meat to prepare Skip's meals with. Myself ... I have a battle eating meat ... I truly wish I never grew up eating meat. I won't get into that ... I won't get on that subject with anyone. I will say I truly love animals.

Preferably I would always eat Metiterranean ... foods. I love colorful, beautiful foods ... vegetables. Mediteranean is my kind of food but, it's too expensive to buy for one person and buy foods the other likes ... Skip is like most men ... meat, potatoes.

So ... most of the time I buy food with Skip in mind. Before getting to the chicken display ... I looked at hamburger ... stew beef ... steaks. I haven't bought steaks in quite some time ... I try to get all I can from the grocery budget ... not spend a big sum on any one thing.

Well, those rib eye steaks were thick, nicely marbled ... the price was what I would pay. I had to think about it.

I continued to the chicken forgetting the steaks. I picked up several packs of chicken to put in the freezer ... some to cook, some to freeze in portions for Camie, our Pup.

I walked around picking up all I needed ... went to pay. I was putting all on the conveyer belt to be rung up. I was watching all move along on the belt to the cashier ... I saw that pack of rib eye steaks! Mmmm-mmm ... I must have justified them without realizing it.

Anyway ... I decided to cook them for a late breakfast ... I only cook once ... no more than twice daily. I don't cook big meals. I cooked them with a good steak seasoning, butter. Oh my, they looked good ... smelled good cooking.

I always leave my steak on the hot griddle until I serve Skip ... making sure everything is ready for him to eat. Once he is settled ... I make my own plate, iced tea.

All I put on my plate is steak ... when I sit down to eat I ... lack one thing to make my meal complete. My secret! I get up, go to the pantry ... I see what I need! I grab the box of Premium crackers.

I walk back, sit down at the table ... open a sleeve of crackers ... place 5 crackers beside my steak. Time to eat! My secret is ... I eat crackers with my steak!

Christmas Lights Early For Skip!

 

October 29, 2022 ... Saturday Morning 

I am sharing my story I wrote on myLot.com.

In September Skip was sitting quietly... he began to speak. I knew it was serious by the tone of his voice, he had something on his mind.

Whenever Skip does that, I listen. I know it's important. It was important and as soon as I could I acted on it.

Skip began telling me he really felt this was his last Christmas, in fact he hoped to make it to Christmas. Not because of lots of presents and such. We don't have families around us like most people do. It is sad, yes ... but, we don't dwell on it ... we try hard not to. I make it happy as I can.

No one knows just how sick Skip has been, what he has suffered. He is finally getting surgeries to remove cataracts  ... he has been legally blind for so long.  This has been on top of having another stroke,  walking with difficulty,  having a heart valve replacement.  The list goes on ...

I always focus on making a nice meal, having a cheerful Christmas tree up. We stay to ourselves with our 9 year old Pup. We watch happy Christmas movies ... we both tear up when each Christmas miracle happens for people. We love to see good things happen for others. Oh yes, we love when it happens to us too.

Skip said he very much wished to have a Christmas tree up with pretty lights ... yes, now...  would be good.

I didn't have the money just then to get him a Xmas tree with lights. I had to wait a couple of weeks. I ordered him the prettiest 4 ft. tree and ... beautiful lights! from Amazon. I put that tree up as fast as I could, turned it on for Skip! His face lit up! My Heart sang! I felt such happiness,  thankfulness ... I got Christmas lights for Skip!

This was on October 5th! I kept my promise to Skip ... I promised I would have him a beautifully lighted Christmas tree! I got Christmas lights for Skip!

This Is How I Battle Sadness, Depression, Darkness When It Threatens My Peace of Mind ... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates ... October 29, 2010

 Shared from my writing site:  myLot.com

This Is How I Battle Sadness, Depression, and Darkness When It Threatens My Peace of Mind ...

                                                                             by Gloria Faye Brown Bates ... October 29, 2010

Shootout in Henderson, NC ... a bullet hit an innocent woman. The man had scratchy fingers ... he was touching a child in an inappropriate way.

It appears to be an isolated incident. The bystander is still receiving treatment. Some students walked out of class. They need to start making progress on real issues.

UNC tested water for chemicals. Internship discovered high lead ... Cape Fear Valley Memorial is seeing 150 patients today. Health officials urge parents to take their children to their doctors to avoid lengthy

wait times. This will be the worst flu season in 13 years.

Halloween ... do the the children treat or treat tonight? I don't know. You are hearing patchy news just as I did while writing it ... trying to listen at the same time to the news on tv.

It is 6:30 am. I have been up for about an hour. I have mopped, vacuumed ... fluffed pillows, made sure all is neat ... when daylight comes ... it will find a cheerful, colorful, clean house. 

The first thing I did when I got up ... I turned on Xmas Lights For Skip! That is his happy, beautiful Christmas tree he wished for (in October 2022!). I turned on the water fountain with its 3 beautiful, lighted mosaic pots ... colorful, blinking Xmas lights, the sound of water trickling down from pot to pot.

This is my morning so far.  Skip is still asleep. Miss Camie, our 9 year old Pup, has just come into the living room. I know what she wants ... she is ready to eat her chicken.  

I always cook chicken ahead ... separate it from the bones, place portions in baggies ... then, place into one big freezer bag in the freezer. This way when we have appointments, and every morning ... I can simply take her meal out of the freezer, warm it on low in the microwave.

Chicken isn't the only food she eats. Sometimes, I give her other things when we eat vegetables, and other meats. She has her dry food ... it sits in her dry food dispenser. She can go eat it when she wants to.

This is how my morning has begun. I wonder what do you do when you first get up?

Very Important Note :  

I don't want you to think my life is perfect at all. You are seeing reflections, colors of a woman who tries to make all negative in her life good as possible. Each day I strive to make all better, I try not to fall into the trap of depression, feel sad, dwell on anything that tries to hurt my Heart.

I most of the time succeed because I AM Not letting negative rule, determine my life ... nor Skip's and Camie's life. I take good care of us ... even when times aren't the best. When I don't succeed, I make sure all is good with Skip, retire to the bedroom until I feel better.

There ... I will play on my tablet, watch the news, sit ... meditate. I dream of the good things I want in our lives to happen ... happy, good things I want to do for Skip, Camie now, in the future. I dream of a million things ... I never lost my ability to dream because anything is possible.

I choose good over bad ... each day I get up knowing in my Heart good things are going to happen just any moment. I also, wake up with gratitude, thankfulness in my Heart.

Even when not so good happens ... good counteracts it making all bittersweet. Many flavors, colors are my Life. I smile, I wouldn't have it any other way. Who wants to live in a world without colors?  

I have this wonderful feeling inside ... something extra special is going to happen today ... I am going to embrace it with my being ... we all love ... something good to happen in our life!

One More Note:

I always make sure my house is clean (we live in an older mobile home ... I clean just as I was living in a million dollar home ... sparkling, smells so good! This is important to Me ... all has to be clean, neat as possible ... colorful, cheerful ...lights ... this is what keeps sadness, depression, anything negative away. If negative happens anyway ... I can look around, think ... I'm so glad my house is clean! I can think clearly!

This is how I battle with keeping sadness, depression, darkness away in my Life. No, I don't succeed everytime ... sometimes, I lose my battle. That's when I just lay down for a time to rest my mind, soul, get up ... try again. This is ME ... Gloria.