You were in our hearts here at our home in the USA.. you have been missed so, so much more than my words will ever be able to express.
This is the first Christmas we didn't get to share our family, our lives, our wishes and all the happy goings-on.. with each other. This Christmas... I am missing two of my most loved people.... you and Tommy. You are gone now... and this Christmas I was very aware of it.... you know... that pain inside that won't leave.
Last Christmas you were here when it was my first Christmas without Tommy, my only child.. and you helped also, to help me get through it. You've been there forever for me, as I have been for you. You've been there when I almost died and was very ill, since April 19, 1999.
I will always be here for Johan. You've shared your son just as I shared my son, Tommy. I was always proud when you and Tommy communicated. He knew you so well and I can look back and 'see' that golden, bright smile like on a cloudy day when the sunshine would appear.... when I would mention something Lena said... I would see that happen... that special smile for Lena! Tommy loved you and you were his Aunt Lena.
Lena, I've realized that now, you are gone... you will not ever be forgotten by me. You were my systervan and my best systervan... you and I were so much alike in our feelings and thoughts. I realized that for 12 years ..... that I can't just quit writing now. You and I wrote every day such long emails and just carried on everyday conversations that we really were at each other's home... every day ... for all that time. I miss you, Lena... and at this very moment ..I could cry.
I am writing on my two blogs everyday and one day I hope to have a book published at least for us and my two grandchildren whom you 'knew'.. and knew the pain and happiness I went through concerning them.
My writing now is in dedication to you, Lena...and your family..Johan and Sara and Per and Eva and Elin and Eric, Emma and Tomas, Harry and Berit, and Hjordis and Roger and Anna-Lena... and to Tommy and Skip and our Pups and Ms Nancy... the very people I treasured and treasure now.. in my life. You and Tommy will never be forgotten... never-ever by me. This is my way of honoring my systervan, Lena... who was more important to me than my words ever expressed.
I miss you, Lena. Like Tommy... I have to be careful thinking too much about you both.... it hurts me to my very soul and... I have to be alright for Skip and the Pups. If I didn't have them.... I know I would drown in my own tears of such grief for my son and my systervan. Skip and our Pups and Ms Nancy are my lifesavers....like on an ocean-going yacht when it's sinking.... they are there in the sea keeping me afloat. I love you, Lena, I miss you.
I send my love to you up on your beautiful, fluffy, white cloud where you look down here at all of us... Johan told me this and I never forgot it .. both Skip and I love that thought.
We now, think of Tommy up there on a cloud beside yours and now..and Hakan. My dear friends, you'll never be forgotten no more than I'd forget my child, Tommy.
I'm sending lots of love from my very heart to heaven to those clouds at this very moment. Love Your Systervan, Gloria (See... how you and I always wrote? I'm still writing a long email. :)))))) As Tommy would say to be so funny..... 'that's how I roll'! :))))
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