By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny
To say or do the things we put off doing
Never enough time to learn to do it now ... not later
Death ... having to let go whether we want to or not
Pulls us from this world when we don't want to let go
We leave when Death calls ... no matter we try to hold onto Life
Death ... makes me panic, fear
It's the end of all things ... no more here
Just the ever-after ... darkness no light
At one time it didn't matter if I died
If I had died I wouldn't have known the difference
I was already walking in darkness, I was gone
That's what happens when you lose a child
A precious baby you carried, brought into the world
You never expect to outlive it
I can't think of a worse pain for a mother
She's very fortunate to recover from it
It almost took my life ... my fighting spirit took over
Took over when I didn't know
Began to pull me from the depths of darkness
Darkness kept sucking me in
Knowledge of my child's death
Was bigger than me, hard to live with it inside
I couldn't walk away, leave it behind
Every moment of my life it tortured me
I couldn't see light for darkness
When I did it was gone in an instant
Grief ... so much grief
No room for happiness, fun things
Pain greater than great
No one can understand unless they walk the path
To feel, really feel the pain
Only when they lose a loved one will they understand
I'm afraid of dying ... I want to live
No longer do I want to let go of Life
I can live now, knowing my son is gone
Five years ago he died playing on the beach
With his three year old son
He died a beautiful death, the way anyone'd want to go
No pain, suffering ... quick
The angels buffered his fall to the sand
As he collapsed, drawing his last breath
The sea gulls sang, the ocean waves were background
The sun caressed his sweet face
As his soul lifted to fly with Angels to Heaven
Death ... I've been almost through the door
How I came back I do not know
I would have never known I died, I was gone
When someone we love dies
It's hard to accept we won't see them anymore
Hear their voices, see their smiles
In order to live we have to learn to accept
The fact they aren't coming back
We have to help ourself to cope
If we don't, we are doomed
I helped myself after 3 long years
Of darkness in the land of grief
It began with me helping myself
Through writing the Hell away
Releasing grief word by word
Putting steel in my backbone
Getting to my feet, dusting my pants off
Facing Life once more ... head on
Since ... little baby steps by baby steps
I have made it after five long years
I'm alright now ... this year being the best
Death didn't claim me, I don't know why
Grief, sickness took me to its door
I'm living proof that miracles happen
I'm still here when the others aren't
Others being all my loved ones, my son
I don't know why ... I won't question why
I will go on with my life being the best I can
I'm not perfect nor try to be
I will live until I die ... until Death comes for me
Note by this Author:
Sometimes, on gloomy days when Skip isn't around ... I become very sad. The thoughts of Death will sometimes bother me.
Thinking of Tommy ... my son, my mother, father, aunts, brother, grandmothers, George the only grandfather I ever knew, cousins ... everyone I grew up loving with my very Heart ... make me very sad.
All my family is gone ... the ones left are gone, too. Only a few communicate with me ... it means the world to me. Our lives are so far apart that we could never have relationships. It is the way Life is ... sad.
It's the legacy left to us of our family before us ... distrust of the others knowing if you get close ... reveal your weakness that that's the first thing they will use against you if they become upset at you. No one can trust. Life is what it is ... no more, no less.
Some of us try ... but, we are always on guard. We have been conditioned to be that way since a little child.
Today is a gloomy, rainy day. These sad thoughts came to my mind.
Photos/ poem owned, written by me. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
