The Strongest Woman I Ever Knew ... Was Paralyzed

My son, Tommy, at Grandma Alma's grave ... we came down from our 

home in the North Carolina mountains to visit.

The Strongest Woman I Ever Knew ... Was Paralyzed
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
























My Grandma Alma ... the strongest woman I ever knew ... she was paralyzed.
George, the only grandfather I ever knew, the kindest man I ever knew as a child.
George was blind ... yet, you wouldn't believe the amazing things he did ............





When I was a little girl I remember
Seeing my Grandma Alma knead bread with one hand
Squeezing each biscuit out to pat in the pan

I watched her pull taffy
Stretching it out very long
Taking a knife ... cutting it in uniform pieces

She made cinnamon rolls rolling out the dough
With butter, and cinnamon, sugar
Oh my!  How good they were

I watched her walk holding onto a walker
Dragging one leg as she went
Smiling a happy smile as she tried to walk

My Grandma Alma was a special soul
Though she could cuss like a sailorman
She could cuss, raise Hell with the best

She was herself, didn't try to be anyone else
I loved my Grandma Alma ... she'd fight for me to the end
Throw a glass of ice water on anyone to make them leave me alone

Grandma Alma ... was paralyzed for the last part of her life
No matter ... she was spunky, could hold her ground
She was quite the colorful character ... a kind, beautiful soul

She had that fighting spirit she passed on to me
If you fall down get your ass up off the ground
Brush it off, take care of business

My Grandma Alma as a young woman .....




I won many battles in my growing up life
Being like my Grandma Alma whom I loved with my Heart
Each time I wonder where I got my fighting spirit I think back to her

Grandma Alma made quite an impression on me as a child
I never got to thank her, let her know
For leaving a part of herself with me to help me grow

Grow up to be stronger than strong
One who rolled with the punches
No matter what ... get that ass up off the ground

If she could do it being paralyzed
I should be able to do so
Wipe the tears away ... go on

Sometimes ... life throws more than I can handle
I think I'm going to lay down, give up
When I do ... the fighting spirit takes over for me

It puts steel in my backbone
Makes me stand up straight
Look life in the eye ... face life head-on

Either I'm going to win or I'm going to die
Trying to make things alright once again
So far ... to this day ... I am still here

Fighting spirit from a loving grandma
One who never gave up ... though she couldn't walk
I honor my Grandma Alma today

Thank you Grandma Alma ... I wish you were alive
Today to see your granddaughter ... know the things
She has gone through, survived

You would see yourself in her ... she's tough as you
In fact, you'd see your fighting spirit was passed on
To several of your grandchildren who lived with you

I wish you were here today so, I could sit down, talk
Hold your good hand, thank you for being you
My Grandma Alma whom I loved with my Heart

Thank you for instilling in me honesty, pride
Kindness, loving and caring, fighting spirit
Without them ... I wouldn't be here today






Note by this Author:

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter/Facebook.com/grannygee





Grandma Alma was the strongest woman I knew as a child.  Yet, she was the weakest being paralyzed.  She never gave up.  She had a stroke and lived twenty-some years before she died in her seventies.

I saw my Grandma Alma's fighting spirit when she raised Hell ... to protect one of her grandchildren. She was tough, yet so gentle.  Her good hand could slap hard as well as be soft, loving to a little child.

When she died ... I grieved deeply for many years.  She was my mama when my mama ... wasn't.  My mother made up for that many years later, and was the best mom in the world.  She just had to grow up, mature ... she did.

I lost my mother and her death was full of questions that has taken some years to know what happened.  I've coped with it ... it wasn't easy.  Almost ... everyone who knew what happened to her ... has gone ... almost. They live with a lot inside for the rest of their life.  I couldn't do it knowing what they do, what they did.

Skip and I were talking about all the members of my family on maternal, paternal sides.  Not many of them died ... naturally.  Some died leaving a lot of questions, so much grief in my Heart.

Some died in freak events ... such as suicide that might not have been suicide, log truck head-on crash, drugs, just ... crazy-ass things.  I won't write any further ... I live with so much grief ... I feel it wanting to come to the surface ... like fish in water.  Twenty some family members ... the very people I loved with my Heart ... gone ... just like that.

The worst being the loss of my only child, my son ... Tommy.  I sure have come a long way in Life ... it's possible I wouldn't be here after Tommy's death ... if I had died I'd never known the difference. My Grandma Alma's fighting spirit helped to strengthened the steel in my back, lift me off the ground ... baby step by baby step until ... today ... I am for-real alright.  Like her, I fought like Hell ... I'm here today.

Photos, poem written/owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

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That's the Magic of Coffee

That's the Magic of Coffee
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

I sit here with a hot cup of coffee
Cradling, holding the cup like a child
Holding onto it ... to give me comfort

When something bad happens in life
Coffee becomes liquid gold
Warmth, soothing comfort

Comfort that's next to a mother's touch
Telling one everything's going to be alright
Close your eyes, dear ... everything's going to be alright

Firefighters fight fire, rescue workers rescue
People suffer bad things ... we all need to be comforted
We all want to hold a hot cup of coffee to warm our hands

Warm our hearts down to our souls
Shield us from pain, grief ... the bad in our life
Cradle the hot cup of coffee as tight as we can

Hold onto comfort as long as we possibly can
Close your eyes ... imagine your mother's hug
If not your mother ... someone you love with your heart


Imagine you are being held safe against the bad
Until you can gain strength to go it again
No matter how bad ... everything will somehow get alright

Touch your cheeks with the warm cup of coffee
Feel the pure comfort ... like a loved one's kiss
Close your eyes, smile through tears ... it's going to be alright

For the moment you are in ... a hot cup of coffee
Brings life-giving comfort ... warmth when you need it most
That's the magic in ... a cup of hot coffee







Note by this Author:

I don't know about you ... but in my life, so many 'bad' things have happened.  I am so thankful for a warm liquid to drink, let the warmth spread comfort as it goes down.

I am so thankful to get to hold the warmth in my hands ... cradling the cup like a little child.  Maybe ... for the moment I am a little child again seeking comfort from someone who loved me ... I don't know.  But this I do know ... that's the magic in a cup of hot coffee.

Photos/poem owned ... written by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee   (Note: My Precious Husband, Skip ... drinking coffee at Krispy Kreme ... he and our Pups are my whole world.)

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Memories Just Beneath the Surface ... Like Fish in Water

Memories Just Beneath the Surface ... Like Fish in Water
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

My Precious Son, Tommy ................





I was thinking of you today
You are only a thought away
Like fish in water ... your memory is beneath the surface


Just barely beneath the surface
Thoughts of you are there ... like fish in water
Just a slight riffle in the water ... I think of you, Son

Tears come to my eyes
Longing comes inside my Heart
I want to cry for the loss of you

No need for me to ask 'why'
No need for me to cry
No need for me to be sad

That's a lie ... I do cry and I am sad
But ... I've never asked 'why'
I know there aren't any answers to 'why' you are gone

Good things come from bad things
No matter how bad ... all will be better again
No matter, I still cry because I loved you ... I'm your Mother

You left on May 29, 2010 for a vacation only ...
Unexpectedly ... you left on another journey
There on the beach as you ran with your little son

You left with a smile on your face, laughter in your heart
As you collapsed to the soft sand
Angels guided you gently as you fell

Angels stood a distance away watching you play
A big guy playing with a little guy who looked like him
My son ... my 3 year old grandson ... running, playing

My beautiful Son and I .....................




Laughter, squealing ... I love you, Daddy!
Daddy? Daddy?  Please get up, play with me!
Why are you laying down ... get up Daddy!

My Son, Tommy and my Grandson, Taban .........



Daddy, won't you play with me
The angels came over to see, protect the little boy
One picked up Tommy's cellphone, pressed the redial key

The call traveled two hundred miles away
A smiling woman answered the phone knowing it was her son
Confusion to the strange voice speaking to her

She said, "why do you have my son's cellphone?"
The man repeated his words
"Maam, I've got a man collapsed here on the sand, he's not breathing"

Her smile faded away as darkness sucked her in
"Help me!  Help me, please help me!"
Her husband came, took the phone out of her hand

The mother's son had died there on the soft sand
As angels lifted his soul to Heaven to the song the sea gulls sang
Tommy, come home ... Tommy, come home!

Time has gone by ... this month is your birthday
November 20th, born in the year 1969
My only child whom I treasured with my very Heart

I find myself thinking of you ... your memory is beneath the surface
Just as fish in water ... your memory is only a second away
You were the only child I could have

Now, you are gone forever ... I've accepted that
Done the things through time I needed to do to cope with your death
Doesn't matter ... your loss still hurts my Heart

My son, Tommy holding his little son...................




You were a part of me ... suppose I lost my hand, leg?
I can't ever forget you were here, Son
No more than I could forget I had a hand ... leg

Flesh and blood ... a mother and child
A permanent bond throughout life
I'll forever grieve over you in my own way

Now ... I make dragonflies in memory of you
Gold wire, colorful beaded dragonflies
Leave them for people to find

Dragonflies I've made ... and bracelets ..................





Hoping to bring a smile, joy to hearts
As they help me remember you, Son
Doesn't matter if they knew you or me

They can sense the love a mother had for her son
Making their dragonfly a special treasure
With a story behind it ... sad, but ... beautiful

How can I say beautiful through all the pain
If we die, we would hope to go the way you did
Running, playing on the beach ... happiness in your heart

Here one moment leaving a special memory for a little boy
Gone the next moment ... never suffering
Going from this world to the ever after

No matter ... it still makes me cry
I miss you, Son ... your familiar face, smile, sound of your voice
I'm okay now, took so long ... but, I'm fine

No matter ... it still makes me cry
Memories of you are just beneath the surface
Like ... fish in water

Fish ... memories ... jump out from time to time
Some I remember good ... some get away before I do
Memories just beneath the surface ... like fish in water

                                                 
                                                   

















Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee






Note by this Author:

I will forever grieve over the loss of my only child.  When I see mothers with their sons I smile ... knowing they know how precious their children are to them ... never able to imagine not having them.  I hope they will have them forever.  Parents should never outlive their children ... never know the awful pain of losing them.

I live with the pain every moment of my life.  I have coped with it ... so, I can live with such knowledge inside me ... knowledge I can't get away from.  Knowledge that my child died ... something I never knew I'd be able to live with.  Knowing such a thing was bigger than I am.  I have done that now ... I can live with it.

You say why don't I just forget about my son ... it's time to quit grieving.  I say to you ... if you really feel that way ... then, don't be surprised if ... it happens to you.  You never stop loving, missing the people you truly loved, treasured with your heart.

A mother is a special being ... she is the vessel that carries a child until it is born into this world.  Like the golden egg ... when it opens ... the most precious treasure is inside.  A baby made of love, a very real part of the mother just as her hands, feet are.  If one gets gone, the pain is unbearable ... she'll forever grieve the loss.

This mother knows this pain ... and has found a way to live with it.  I grew up knowing emotional, physical pain as a little girl all through life ... I never knew I'd say I'm glad I did ... it prepared me to cope with such pain in my life as every family member I truly loved ... died.  I have survived many things that I won't go into at the moment.  You can read back in my blog.

I've known pain my whole life ... mentally, physically.  Know this ... I am a very positive person who really knows that ... no matter how bad ... things do have a way of getting better.  I know this to be true.

I look for what I need to learn from life's lessons in the things that happen in my life.  Doesn't mean it's easy ... it isn't.  I just know things happen for a reason ... I try to learn the reasons why.  I don't always find out 'why' ... I just do the best I can so, I can live until I die.

I never knew I would be able to live ... with the knowledge my child had died.  I never knew I'd be able to walk, move around with such knowledge trying to live my life ... with the heaviest load I've ever carried in my life ... grief over the loss of my child.  Thankfully, I have managed ... somehow the 'load' strengthened me even more.  I can carry it now.  At one time ... I never knew ... I'd be here ... today.

I grieve over Tommy ... I grieve silently.  I don't push my grief on anyone.  I write about grief, pain ... that's 'why' I write.  If you come here to read ... that's what you will read about.  You don't have to feel sorry for me ... I've never felt sorry for myself nor cried 'woe is me'.

If you don't like to read about pain and grief, life, my thoughts ... how it really is or really feels ... probably you want to visit other blogs that are more fun.  This is what you get here ... when you read ... real life, feelings.  Just know I'm not stuck in one place in my grief ... it's in a 'good, healthy' place now.  I grew from it all.

I face reality ... reality can be harsh.  I face it ... head-on.  Let it hurt like hell but, I am going to overcome ... I mean to.  The death of my son ... almost took me, also.  Now ... I'm strong again.  I'm not bitter, angry ... I love life.  I know there are many wonderful things in life ... I can see the beauty of life.  Bad things that happened in my life ... didn't blind me.

I didn't come this far in my life through all I have ... to lay down and cry, whine, feel sorry for myself.  Sure, it hurts like Hell ... Life has a way of doing that ... I still manage to smile through my tears, and know ... somehow everything gets alright again.  Sometimes ... it seems impossible but, it does.  I'm always amazed.

I have forgiven all through time ... I don't forget a lot but, I do ... forget a lot.  It's no longer important in my life.  I just care so much about everything, everyone.

I think I have learned what's important in Life ... it makes me think that if everyone felt the same way ... Life would be good for everyone.  Caring, loving, giving, helping others.  What do you think?

Sadly, I'm old enough now to realize something I never thought possible.  There are truly evil people in this world ... I used to never believe that.  Now, I know better.  Sometimes, you have to stay away from them ... that's why the world has so much war, and terrible things.  You can't make people like that care ... they have no regard for human life.

Photos/ poem written, owned by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

I Stood in Front of a Living, Warm Fireplace ... Today

I Stood in Front of a Living, Warm Fireplace ... Today
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
(In this photo I have a broken left kneecap
and a spiral fracture in my fibula from
accident on 10-03-2015) ............................

Have you ever walked into a place
Full of strangers ... see, sense the kind of people they are
Wish ... wish with your Heart they were part of your life?

You feel the love, compassion, kindness radiate out
Like the the warmth from a happy, crackling fire
Burning in a fireplace ... oh, how comforting to feel such

It's like coming in from the freezing cold
Warming the chill away standing near the cheerful flames
Closing your eyes, feeling ... really feeling the warmth

Listening, talking, sharing happy words
With a family ... wishing you'd had such a wonderful family
Close-knit, security of knowing you are loved

Today ... I saw such ... got to stand in front of the fireplace
So comforting, loving ... warm
Wishing I never had to walk away, wishing they could stay in my life

Complete strangers ... who made me feel a part of them
If all the world was like this ... there would be no ugliness
Only peace ... love ... the world would never be at war

Mother, father, daughter ... two sons all hugged us
We hugged them back as we got ready to go
Smiling ... happiness in my Heart for having met them

We should all be like this but, reality is that we are not
How many times do you meet a stranger ... wish them to stay in your life?
No matter that you can't visit if you live afar

Keep in touch to say hello, be friends for life
Happy to know you aren't the only one to feel that way
Special ... I stood in front of a living, warm fireplace today




Note by this Author:

Today such happened to Skip and I.  We felt a bond with a family we just met ... felt so at ease with each one.  I felt such love toward them ... felt myself wish they'd stay in my life.  Why?  I can't explain it ... it was something I felt deep in my soul.  Have you ever met a family you wished was a part of yours?

Photos/true poem both owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  Photo of Christmas tree, fireplace is ours from last year.  I created the fireplace!

Dedicated to the special family we met today ... we felt like we have always known all of you.  We could have talked ... forever.

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Dear CEO ... I'm Writing to Say

November 05, 2015



Gloria Faye Brown Bates
//////////////////////
Louisburg, NC  27536



Re:  Emergency Room Visit
        November 03, 2015



Dear CEO //////////////////:

I came to your emergency room on November 3, 2015, Tuesday evening.  I came there having severe chest pain.

I am alone, no family excepting my husband, Stafford.  He was in Maryland that particular evening so, I had to come alone.  I didn't want to call the rescue because I was worrying if it was 'my imagination' ... or a real heart attack.  I didn't want to bother anyone no more than I possibly had to.

When I arrived at your facility, I came in limping as I was in a serious fall earlier this month breaking my knee cap, and also ... a spiral fracture in my fibula bone.

I went straight to the window ( I used to work in Emergency Registration years ago) telling the clerk that I didn't know why my chest was hurting so badly but, I do have a history of congestive heart failure.  I almost died.

I told her I had been coughing but, not a lot.  This is what happened to me when I went into congestive heart failure in the past, went unconcious and woke up just before being intubated.

I 'was afraid it was my imagination' at that time, and hated to get my husband out of bed to get me to the hospital.  We barely made it the rescue building.  I was afraid this time ... and to leave my home at that time of evening alone ... something was wrong with me.

These things were going on in my mind while I drove myself.  I had my bluetooth device on so, my husband could stay on the phone with me as I drove.  He would know where I was 'in case something happened'.  I was crying ... I was hurting more than I can describe in words.

I was taken to the triage room where the nurse began talking to me.  Two nurses were talking to me.  I even told them I knew they were busy and I didn't know why my chest was hurting so badly ... I didn't want to take up their time ... but, I had to come there.  I was afraid of dying alone ... no one there to help me.

I told them I had a history of congestive heart failure.  I didn't know if I should come, not come ... it might not be anything.  But ... something was causing severe pain.

I told them I was alone, my husband in Maryland.  I had no family to call.

The nurse asked me questions as she did the EKG.  She said something that made me know she thought I could be coming there for pain medicine.  I quickly told her I wasn't a 'regular' who always come to the hospital for pain drugs.  She said 'so, you know about them, too".  I said yes, I used to work in the emergency room.

After the EKG ... she showed it to the nurse saying, "see there".  It didn't show anything wrong with my heart ... so, they were thinking I came for pain medication.  They kept me out in the waiting room with many sick people, one vomiting ... the others coughing.

I have a compromised immune system ... I have been in the hospital many times for pneumonia.  I was afraid to be right in the midst of all the sick people.

I was smelling an awful smell, telling my husband whom I was talking to.  It smelled like a 'dumpster'.  I told my husband it was making me sick.  I happened to turn around (they put me in a wheel chair), and a woman was putting a plastic bag of vomit in the trash can.  She began walking around holding the 'vomit bag'.

I was taken in to get blood work, brought back out to sit, wait.  Then ... taken to get chest x-rays, brought back out to sit, wait in the waiting area.

  After about 3 hours ... my chest had eased off from the pain ... I went up to the ER Registration clerk, asked her when would a doctor see me.  She told me some of the people had been there 6 hours, and it possible I'd be there that long.  I asked to go find out, she just went back to her desk.

I told her through the glass ... that my chest had quit hurting, and I was going to drive myself home ... it had become dark, and I was nervous being alone going home.

She didn't care whether I signed the AMA form or not.  I didn't sign it.  She also, said I could call Medical Records in two-three days to get my medical records in order to know the results of my tests.

I left.  I never saw a doctor during those 3 hours.  I sat in the waiting area with many sick adults, and children.  No one checked on me while I was hurting.  It was like no one noticed.

I've had to be in the hospital many times through the years.  I've never felt so ... uncared about.  No one was concerned.  The thought came into my mind ... suppose this is how it's going to begin being in the future.  People will die ... no one cares.  Thinking to that night disturbs me, scares me.

Just to let you know, I have a problem taking pain medicines ... I respect them, and am afraid of them.  Everyone who knows me ... knows this.  I write a blog about this ... in fact ... the 'whole world' knows I can't easily take pain medicine.

I am a cancer survivor (two thoracotomy surgeries, have thoracotomy syndrome meaning I am always in pain every day of my life.  I still can't take pain medicine easily.  I'm sure you wonder why.  Because I grew up in such things, drinking and drugging.  I'm afraid of it ... as a child I knew I'd never grow up being addicted to drugs, alcohol.

This has caused me to get into trouble with pain.  It makes it hard to control any pain I have ... I let it go too far.  This is to let you know I don't take drugs ... I didn't come to your hospital seeking drugs.  I was afraid, I was hurting badly ... I didn't know if it was my heart or ... something else going on.

November 04, 2015, I went to my primary doctor and told him how I was treated, and being left out in the waiting area with chest pain, never seeing a doctor.  He and his nurse were concerned.

I'm happy to say they did an EKG, finding out my heart was okay.  I have an upper respiratory infection.  My doctor knows I never take medicines anymore than I possibly need ... especially ... pain medicine.

I wanted to write you, let you know my experience at your hospital ... a hospital I always had affection for ... I was born in //////// //////////  Hospital 'many' years ago.  I'm afraid now.

I'm not complaining at all, I just wanted to voice to someone there that mattered ... being you.  I wanted you to know what happened.  I don't care about trying to get someone in trouble.  I just wanted to simply tell you what happened.

I know my letter is a little lengthy ... but, in this case it had to be.  Thank you for listening to me.

Sincerely,

Gloria Faye Brown Bates

cc: File Cabinet/folder

Note by this Author:

This really happened to me recently ... and it's really scary looking at that visit in my mind.  Suppose all hospitals began worrying someone is there to get drugs ... and not taking the patient seriously ... leave them in the waiting area to die.

It's sobering to think about this.  No one would have made me believe a person would be treated like this at this particular hospital ... the one I was born at many years ago ... always proud to say I was.

Now ... I'll have to tell this story along with saying I was born there.  Suppose ... something had been seriously wrong with my heart ... I have no comfort in thinking they'd let me see a doctor.  They didn't when I felt I ... was having a heart attack.  Scary.

I wrote my letter to the CEO not to get anyone in trouble, but to tell him what happened.  I don't care whether I ever hear back from him.  An apology isn't what I want ... it doesn't make me feel any better about what happened.  I simply just want someone who matters there ... to know.

Photo, true account owned/written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

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Damn Grief ... Damn Extra Pain

Damn Grief ... Damn Extra Pain
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny at Twitter

I can't believe today ... I choked up, tears began flowing down my cheeks ... and heavy grief weighed on my Heart.  I wonder why?


I met up with someone I worked with many years ago at the hospital.  We both instantly recognized each other, began smiling.  We began ... talking up a storm.


She told me that her husband had died, and that she had almost died.  I told her about my medical conditions, also.  We talked about how fortunate we both were.


She was shocked to know my son, Tommy ... had died.  She knew him when he also, worked at the hospital.  All the women loved Tommy ... Tommy was always kind, polite, soft-spoken.


I couldn't believe when I was telling her ... the heaviest of grief sat on top of me.  I held my grief back ... because who in the heck wants to talk to someone who has lost someone.  All they want to do is cry, get pity.  Not me ... I don't require someone's pity ... I'll walk away from them.  I don't feel sorry for myself, and I sure won't let someone feel sorry for me.  I just don't have time to play 'pity games'.


I had to stop talking about Tommy.  I just knew I could talk about him ... now.  What in the heck happened?  Is it because just underneath the surface just as fish are beneath the surface of the water ... grief was waiting to get me?


It's strange how I think all is okay ... out of the blue grief streaks out like a snake in the grass to try to strike me down.


I have had all the extra pain from my accident, and some other worries, and knowing Tommy's birthday is just days away on my mind.  Yesterday evening my chest began hurting really bad.  Bad enough I became frightened.  I drove myself to the hospital in Henderson, NC.  I hope to never go back there.


They did chest x-rays, EKG, and did blood work.  Each time they did a test ... they put me back into the waiting room where really sick people who were vomiting into bags, coughing, sneezing, blowing their noses.  I could smell the vomit ... it made me sick.  I heard some people saying they'd been sitting there for 6 hours.


It began getting dark ... I had been there for 3 hours ... never saw a doctor.  I got and spoke to the ER Registration clerk ... she said it was likely I'd be there several more hours before I could be seen by a doctor.  By this time, my chest pain had eased off ... and it was dark outside.  This prompted my decision to leave.  I was by myself.  I had no one.  It didn't matter ... I wanted to get home.


My chest began hurting once again on the way back, but not so  much I felt I needed to go back to that hospital.  Like I said, I didn't like how they put the patients into the waiting area each time they did a procedure ... where people were very sick.  I have to be careful being around people who have colds, and such.  I can end up being in the hospital too easy.  I've had pneumonia too many times.


I can't believe a doctor didn't see me with severe chest pain.  Thankfully, I got better.  Suppose I hadn't?  The good thing is I had Skip talking to me by cellphone ... I had a bluetooth on.  He knew what was happening.


For me to leave home in the evening ... you have to know the pain was very severe.  Enough so, I was worried.  I didn't think to call the rescue.  I don't like to put others to a lot of trouble.  I wondered if it was my imagination ... or if something was really wrong.  I still don't know what was wrong.  I do have a doctor's appointment at 2:00 pm today.








Note by this Author:

When I used to work in the hospital ER ... anyone who came in with chest pain was immediately seen by a doctor, not stuck back out in the ER waiting room.  Thankfully, I am okay now ... but, they didn't know if I was okay any more than I knew when I came in.  I wouldn't have been there if I hadn't been afraid.  I never just up, go to a hospital ER.

Photo/true account on 11-03-2015 are both owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

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I Don't Want to Get Lost in the Darkness ... I Feel it too Near Me For Comfort

I Don't Want to Get Lost in the Darkness ... I Feel it too Near Me For Comfort
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

I don't know about you ... but, I can become very down when it rains for days at a time.  It's too close to the darkness I try to stay out of.


I have to watch myself so, that I don't become very sad.  I have many things to feel sad about ... so many people I love have died.  Not only that ... some living people I feel sad about.


You know how it is ... some things can trigger us to pull us down if we let them.  This is one of the triggers in my life.  Sunshine is the magic weapon against it ... no darkness in the sunshine, only warmth and ... comfort.


Today, I have been tempted to go to bed, stay there.  Of course, my legs have pulled my mood down since the accident.  Today, it's raining and I'm sure that makes the pain much worse.  So ... I may go to bed after I feed the Pups.


When I go to bed, I will turn the electric blanket on low ... warmth, comfort.  I need that on this very gloomy day.  Not only that, I feel it will help the awful pain in both my legs.


I'm not letting myself become depressed.  I am going to just enjoy the luxury of laying down on our comfortable bed, being warm.  I may take several naps, wake up ... watch tv ... nap again.


I will admit this very quickly, and let go.  I felt grief trying to consume me earlier today ... a friend called, and how Tommy died was talked about.  I felt the tears from my soul wanting to flow from my eyes like a diamond waterfall.  I'm going to be alright, I'm not going to cry.


This is the month (November 20, 1969) Tommy, my son was born.  I have been thinking about it.  It was a difficult birth, not only that ... the night before he was born ... there was an earthquake.  I try not to go back right now to think about it.  I don't think it's a good time.  I don't want to get lost in the darkness ... I feel it too near me for comfort.








Note by this Author:

This is one of those times that could pull me down ... grief.  It's been raining for two days ... no sunshine ... only gloominess.  It promises to be a couple more days like this.  I have to help myself not to become depressed, sad.

When Skip is around ... I love rainy days.  His love for rainy days is contagious ... I feel happiness, then.  When he isn't around ... you can see what happens.

Photo/story owned ... written by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

The Month of October ... 2015 ... My Accident

The Month of October ... 2015  ... My Accident
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

Photo of first brace put on my leg at hospital ... Skip was holding the crutches, I was in wheelchair on October 3, 2015.

Photo taken at Rex Hospital October 12, 2015 ... still couldn't go to orthopedic doctor ... no insurance info ... I had no money to pay up-front.






I felt excitement when October began getting closer!  Fall time!  State Fair!  My most favorite time of the year.  I looked forward to wearing blue jeans, sweat shirts, and boots with heels (not high but ... just right).


I was ready to celebrate Fall time with happiness, knowing I would be able to enjoy it this year.  Last year I began to, but ... I was still grieving for the loss of my son, my only child ... Tommy.

October 3, 2015 ... wheelchair I rode in ... I couldn't stand on my leg ... I was in ER at Novant Hospital.  Skip was holding crutches I was just given.





Tommy died May 29, 2010.  He collapsed at Myrtle Beach running, playing with his own little 3 year old son.  No one knew he had 3 blockages to his heart.

October 15, 2015 ... this was my first visit with orthopedic doctor ... he put a brace on my leg.





I've never experienced anything in my life as bad as losing my son.  I almost lost myself ... forever.  I didn't know I would be able to live with such knowledge ... my God ... knowing my child was dead.


You can't even imagine ... I can't even describe how awful holding something so horrible as that inside your mind ... you can't get away from it ... you can't get away from yourself.


I don't know ... or even remember the how I came so far.  How I began to cope ... live with the knowledge that Tommy wasn't, can't come back.  Even now ... I will feel a 'panicky' sensation if I let myself dwell on it.  It's scary ... it's like standing on the brink of a cliff ... I don't want to fall!

My son, Tommy ... holding his newborn son born on March 16, 2007 ... my only grandson.





I wrote, I cried ... I coped with his death living in darkness to protect my mind.  Does that even make sense?  In darkness in one's mind ... you don't think anymore than you have to.  Somehow enough time and many emotional storms have brought me to ... today.  I won't elaborate more on it ... I don't want to take the chance of ... falling off the cliff.

October 12, 2015 ... when I went to Rex ER.  I was in such pain ... and hadn't been able to see an orthopedic doctor.  It was 12 days before I had first visit with orthopaedic doctor on October 15, 2015.

Anyway, I was really looking forward to Fall this year knowing this year I would be able to enjoy, look forward to the holidays and ... be alright.


October 3rd ... I slipped on a slippery tile floor in the restaurant Skip and I loved to go to.  The floor 'sweats' because of all the steamy buffet bars.  There weren't any rugs, carpet on the floor.


I wasn't thinking of that when we went inside.  I was looking forward to enjoying good food.  The manager led us toward a table when ... my feet went out from under me.  I didn't even see that fall coming.  I heard my left knee cap break ... the pain was so great.

These are the shoes I was wearing the day of the accident.  You can see that the soles are non-skid.  Ironically ... they are the only shoes I can wear since the accident ... they are safest to walk in, and when wet ... they don't slide.







I just found out that I also, have a spiral fracture in my fibula (the long slender bone between your knee cap and ankle ... you have two bones, one big and then, the slender bone ... fibula and tibia).  I can't describe what it's been like since I took that fall.  The orthopedic doctor said it was missed in the first x-rays.  He said no wonder my leg hurts so bad.


I have lost freedom to do the things I like to do ... I have such pain doing what I need to do.  I have to go to my different doctor appointments on my own as Skip isn't available to take me.  I can't tell you how I've suffered ... and it's not over yet.


I couldn't go to the State Fair, or to the Fall Festivals I really wanted to go to this Fall.  I've experienced riding the electric shopping carts where one sits in to shop.  I use crutches, and a brace ... it's taking its toll on my right leg.  So many changes in my life.

Me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... I write about my life ... and this is another 'color' of it.

Going to bed is hard ... I have a hard time getting up on our bed.  Once in bed the pain is excruciating each time I have to move, to turn over, get up.


I have a time going out the door, trying to go down steps.  I have to get my nerve up to go down them ... I don't dare want to fall again.  It's just as hard trying to come up the steps.


To drive myself is quite an experience.  I have to keep maneuvering my body to get my leg inside ... our vehicles are high up from the ground.  Oh my ... the ungodly pain.  I manage because ... I don't give up ... I have one hell of a fighting spirit.  I mean to get my freedom back to move around.  All my life ... I've lived with pain ... emotional and physical.  Pain is ... has been a part of my life.  It doesn't mean it hurts any less ... it just means I'm going to do what I have to do ... regardless.

Me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... no matter how bad something is ... it will somehow ... be alright again.






Sitting down ... getting back up ... the pain is excruciating.  I admit I have shed many more tears from hurting ... I still moan, groan when standing up.  I try to do it quietly ... sometimes, it isn't possible.


It'll be some time before it all gets better.  I have a positive attitude, I don't complain.  When you read my words you can see that I try to explain how it really is ... but, you won't see me complain.

I love Fall colors, and these are a few of mine.  I haven't had a chance to take photos of the beautiful leaves.






I am sad though ... this is my favorite time of the year ... and I'm sad that I am missing out on things I looked forward to ... that I couldn't have done during the past few years for grieving.


At least I am able to see the beauty of Fall with this pain ... both physical and emotional pain.  I appreciate the wonderful, warm colors that surround me when I go outside.  They make me happy.  Oh, how I love Fall!  I wish to just get out and walk, kick the colorful leaves up into the air!


So ... this is my month of October ... 2015.  I will enjoy Fall with limitations this year.  Nevertheless ... I still feel that special happiness that comes in my Heart at this time of year.  I'm not under the heaviness of a blanket of grief.  I can see clearly now ... and I'm myself ... and everything is going to be alright.

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee .......................................................................







Note by this Author:

I have been making this accident a learning experience.  I have opened my eyes up to another world.  I knew it existed ... I had just never experienced it.  Now, I'm walking in ... different shoes.  Shoes that one just wears ... and might not can walk in.  I'm fortunate because as time goes by I am healing.  I'm so grateful.

Photo/true account of my month of October 2015 are both owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... all photos, written true story are owned by me.