Photos owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates ... ❤💛❤💛❤💛❤💛❤💛❤💛❤
8:45 am ... March 21, 2024 ... Thursday
Today is my little brother's birthday. Rick-Rick. Happy Birthday to you in Heaven. You out of all my family truly loved me ... I loved you with my Heart. You never mistreated me. You ... cried over me, you cared. I miss you, Rick-Rick. My Heart cries over you.
I am sitting here on the bed in my place, my cross-legged position to write ... by Skip and Camie's side as they still sleep. There are rays of sunshine reflecting on the bed covers ... I love that. Kissed by the sun each morning 🌄 before they awaken.
I see Skip's hand reach to Camie ... he has his hand resting on her ... the sunshine covers his hand with golden warmth.
Most mornings for some time now, Skip has been sleeping later. Before ... he wouldn't have ever ... slept so late. It would have been a 'sin' ... for either of us to sleep late. We never did. Camie will sleep as long as we do. What do I do while they sleep?
You are right ... I stay by their side while they sleep. I always watch over them. I'm not a real angel ... but ... I am their human guardian angel. Oh, and I write.
I am in tune with Skip and Camie. They are my world, part of ME. I am always sensing, anticipating their needs ahead of time. I think of how I would feel, what would I want, need. If I say so myself ... I do pretty good.
Does this mean I am so perfect, wonderful, just so much and all that?
NO. No, it doesn't. I will always have my moments I cry, have my little breakdowns, want to give up for that moment. I am just not as perfect as I've always wished to be. I am a 'do my very best sort of person ... and try to do a little better than that. Real human beings are like this ... I am as human as it gets.
Some have much more resources than I have at my disposal ... I keep trudging ahead with what I have. The road is, has been so hard though I am feeling things to be better, some easier, will only get better now. I work constantly at it to be so. In my mind ... I know things will only get better.
Skip and Camie are older now ... I understand what they need and I do accordingly. Yes, that means I am older, also. Thankfully, I am stronger ... I take care of us.
My body, mind ... no matter how worn out, tired or sick ... I take care of them, us 24 hours a day. Both day and night ... every day and night I am working at keeping our little world together.
Sometimes, I falter ... that's when I begin to see little pieces of my world begin to fall apart. I call myself, sometimes ... Ms Humpty-Dumpty 🙂🙃🙂❤❤ That's because when things begin falling apart ... pieces go flying ... I begin working fast, hard as I can ... to put them back together again.
I have to help Camie now ... she is older. Her little face has gotten much whiter. I can see the differences age is making on her now. One part of my mind doesn't want to acknowledge...
I never want her to die. I never want Skip to die. I never want to die. Now! I said it! That was very hard just to type into words.
I ... don't ... want ... us ... to ... die. There! I said it again. I never voice this thought ... nevertheless... it is always in the back of my mind. I bet you are like me ... have these same thoughts but, don't ever voice them.
I don't voice them in spoken words ... however, I can write about them all day long. Strange, isn't it?
I can write about any and everything I want ... but ... never speak any of it. Why? I am more comfortable writing than sitting, talking. I'm not close enough to anyone to sit, really talk about deep, meaningful things. If you, or anyone ever catches me doing that, it's a rare moment ... and you or anyone ... are special in some way to me.
To tell my deepest, private feelings, thoughts would be as serious to me as ... pulling my dress up for you to see my panties. Serious, un-thought of as that! For-real!
Turning off this road for a moment onto a road when I was ten, eleven years old ... the dress and panties remark triggered a memory. I grew up wearing dresses ... when playing I was so innocent ... I had no idea in my young mind but, to play, run, climb like other kids.
I remember climbing up a fence post, coming down ... the next door neighbor boy was standing behind me. I didn't know he came up behind me ... he offered me a quarter if I'd climb the fence post again.
I was suspicious of him, I didn't climb the post again. I never liked that boy. There was an awful incident with him a little later ... one I never told anyone but, Skip. My suspicions were right. I won't write about what happened ... I will say this ...I won. These days I would have been found dead ... a little girl in a terrible situation involving being held down by two cousins. I was lucky.
Getting back on track, the road I am on writing ... ✍ getting older ... both pets and people. No one ever sees it coming ... really no one wants to look, see it coming. It's called denial. We stay in self-denial. I don't think that's a bad thing as long as we don't go overboard ... what is overboard? That's for you to decide for yourself.
Angels, and I don't want to die ... I'm not a real angel looking over Skip and Camie but ... I try to be. I don't want them to die, I don't want to die. That's just natural, do you agree?
We each do our best to love, care, protect our little worlds in this big, old world. At the same time we are helping, caring for those around us.
I don't have a lot ... guess what? I do, can make a difference helping others even when I need help. I believe when we do that ... Life returns it to us in the most wonderful ways. All one has to do is love, care, give when we have.
The strange thing is ... it can take forever in a person's life to learn this hardest, simplest lesson. This really is what Life comes down to ... loving, caring, giving what we can. My humble Gloria opinion only.
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