Wednesday, March 16, 2016

If You Want To Help Someone ... Don't Ask Them If They Need It ... Just Naturally Do It






Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee




I began writing on Facebook this morning ... this is what I wrote ... reality is in my words. I don't hide behind rose-colored glasses.  I tell you just the way it is.  If you don't like it ... then, you might have issues.  Tommy used to say that ... I smile ... thinking of him.   Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.





I don't know why ... but, this morning I have cried a lot. Doesn't seem to be an end to it.

I am going to the hospital ... I hope Skip is well enough to come home today. He has went through some very painful things this time ... and I watched the groin bleeding, yesterday.

Well, Skip just called, he won't be coming home today. He is hurting bad in his back ... he just came from having another CT scan. I pray there aren't any complications ... he was telling me what the doctor said ... 'what all it could be'.

I'll be leaving soon to go to the hospital. I wait long enough to take out a precious Pup for our friend, so she doesn't go all day without going outside. This way .. I know our Pups, Special Pup, and Skip are all fine. Skip is in good hands while I'm getting to the hospital. :) For me to feel peace of mind ... this is how it is.

All keeps going through my mind ... the bleeding, the nurses using all the strength they had to hold pressure on the hole in his groin area, seeing Skip's white lips ... he was holding back screaming for the pain .... his eyes kept looking up at mine ... and I couldn't take the pain away.

They put a device on him after 20 minutes holding the pressure on him ... to keep the pressure on his groin. It went on 'forever'. Even the morphine given ... didn't help Skip. It was almost too much for me. I am strong so, no matter what ... I'll only get stronger. My precious husband was in unbearable pain ... his eyes.

This doesn't normally happen (groin bleed from the main artery) when someone gets a heart catheterization so, someone facing getting one can know that. It is one of the things that can ... 'go wrong'. A person can bleed out in 7 minutes! When I had a heart catheterization ... I never had a problem.

Skip got to sit up last night, eat supper. He called me several times ... I can't tell you how happy that made me feel.

I think I worry if we'll ever get past all of this. I've come too far to give up now ... but, do you know what? I have been most tired, both mentally, physically.

I don't have anyone in this world I can talk to ... so, I come to my 'Gloria's Writing World' ... to write what I feel.

I don't know which way to turn ... so, I'll keep going straight instead of in circles. I am wondering if that's the right direction?

This is a morning of tears for me ... too much thinking, worrying ... I am completely over-whelmed.

This is just the way it is ... and I don't know what to do. All of you who have family, friends ... don't ever take for granted your powerful support system.

I promise you if you do, and it gets gone ... you will so overwhelmed when you don't have anyone to go to for help just to talk ... financially.

You will have all the people telling you 'if you need help ... just ask, knowing you would never stoop down to ... ask'.

In the past many years ago, I've said that 'knowing' no one was going to ask me for help if I said those magic words: 'If you need help ... just ask, just call me ... I'm there'.

Everybody knows no one is going to call you up and say 'help me' ... that's why they say that.

I hope no one ever says that to me again because if I had to ask when it already hurts so bad to have to say 'I need', and how it feels when one has pride, and not wanting to take from anyone who might need all they have ... I will go without.

If you take all your family, friends for granted ... and they all die off like all of mine has ... you will be alone in this big, old world. Pray that you are rich ... because whether you like it or not ... it does take money to survive, especially when you have a loved one very ill, and have 2 pets to care for.

What will you do? I mean ... really, what do you do? I've been to all these things online to apply for help ... I will tell you what they said so, you won't waste time .... we don't have children so, we aren't eligible.

They haven't had money since 2009, so there's no help for financial aid for rent. I was told by a Spanish woman to go to a shelter ... I asked her where was one ... she gave me a cold expression, said, "I don't know of one".

Is anyone aware that online there are a 'million' wonderful things to help older people, it comforts one to read it all, and thank God. In reality, every door is closed in an older person's face when they go to ask for help, not only that ... they feel about 2 inches tall.

How do I know? I'm not ashamed to tell you ... and can hold my head up doing so ... I've desperately searched, wasted gas needed to go talk, and talk, and talk only to find out that we can't get help.

I was told ... go to your family ... go to your family. I sat there, broke down ... and asked one woman .... 'what family?' I even came almost to the point to beg ... asking what can I do .... my husband is very ill, and I know you don't care about our dogs ... but, what can I do to help us?

I was told ... 'you can be put on a waiting list for several years'. What about today, tomorrow? This is when trying to get help with rent. No answer ... only an expression of coldness, and with the glasses on the edge of the older, black woman's nose ... as she looked down at me, told me that it might be online about all this help, but ... in reality, they've not had money since 2009 to help anyone.

I gave up for a short time ... then, decided ... I'll keep looking, searching. Do you know what I told that old woman?

I told her that if I had to go homeless ... I would do it publicly. I told her that if I had to ... I would take our two vehicles and find some where to park them, live out of them but, we as older people have medical conditions ... have two dogs we don't want to give up .... will do it while the public knows there's no help .. that all we read online for our area ... isn't true.

Now ... I know why no one could suggest what to do .... where to go ... they've been this route. They let me find it out on my own. They didn't share what caused them more grief, heartache ... but, I will tell you ... tell everyone who knows older people without anyone to be there for them ... that's why you see them homeless, or living in the worse places ... they have no one, no one cares.

We aren't that bad off ... yet. I have nothing to give me comfort in knowing what's going to happen in the future ... that everything will be alright, that in the future we'll always have a roof over our heads, not be split up in shelters, our dogs gone to .... wherever. Do you see my fears? Can you feel them? I know there are people reading this, who are facing such.

Yes, online ... all looks good in writing ... your heart feels so thankful to find resources ... only to come to this. In reality ... there is no help, financial assistance to help us. None. I'm still not giving up, I'll keep searching.

Build your family, friends ... have a strong support system all your young life ... don't take them for granted because whether we like it or not ... people die, friends go away. I had a big support system many years ago ... family support. I had a dysfunctional family but, they were always there, and I loved them with my very Heart. So, this is a piece of advice from someone who knows from experience.

Another thing is ... it seems older people really don't matter .... they've had their chance at life ... so, they need to go to wherever to not pose a problem. If they are financially stable in their life that's wonderful ... for the ones who have lost everything, have a hard time financially .... it's a really scary world. There's no help for them. So far, this is my impression of 'entering an older world'.

I suggest getting rich, and having money put up ... but, like us ... that can all go away, also ... hospitals, doctors, battling medical conditions to live, many things can take that money.

Just have a big support system because if you don't you will feel like I do by this time. I am at the point now ... don't tell me ... 'if you need help ... just call me' ... because you know I won't.

I wouldn't call to ask for help from you. The only time I can comfortably ask for help is at a public agency, not from an individual.

If you don't think of the future 'one day' ... keep thinking you'll never 'get old' ... I promise if you live, you will 'get old' ... if you don't have the family/friend support system ... you will be like I am ... this morning.

Don't feel sorry for me ... I don't need it. I'm not asking anyone for anything. Even without nothing, I will help you if I see you need ... with whatever I have left. I won't ask you ... I'll just do it. I'll give you almost anything I have (don't play the game of asking ... 'will you give this or that?'). I'm a giver, I'm not a taker ... someone else might need it. I don't know how to ask for help ... I'm too embarrassed to ask for help.

I am facing reality and I am telling everyone ... don't take your family, friends for granted ... I am your example of what can happen.

I am still positive, I am still smiling ... and today is a new day and no matter how bad, no matter what ... I know everything is going to be alright. I just have to find my ... 'everything is going to be alright' :) I'm not crying, now! I wrote away my fears.

I don't hide behind rose-colored glasses ... I face reality and the raw truth in life ... I have to cry more in life ... because of what I see. I do see good things, also ... that keeps me going.

These things in life make my life have meaning ... Skip, our Pups ... Kissy and Camie, they are my whole world. Just as important is my connection to all of you ... I have someone to .... write ... to. I can't talk about things ... I can write as much, as long as I want to. No one has to read it ... and if they do ... they don't have to be involved directly with me, my problems ... and can go their way quietly.

It's different from talking in person ... people begin to feel pressured as if they have to pull money out of their pockets ... have to help. No one has to ever feel that way with me ... when reading. :)

I was thinking ... am I the only one who has ever needed help, and can't ask anyone for it .... why? can't I?

I can't ask for help ... who am I to ask for help in the first place? Suppose you needed what you gave me? (I've given my last cent when I needed it, so .. I know there are people like me). I have pride, I can't beg ... but, if it came to the point I had to for my husband, Pups ... I will let my pride be stomped into the ground.

Last of all ... I've always known ... people pay attention to each other. We see them struggling ... or we see them going about life in a good way. We see the signs when they need help ... you know if they can't open a door , we run to open it to help them. We don't say, "do you need help with that door?" We run naturally to do it.

I know that people don't sincerely mean it when they say, 'just call me if you need help ... I'm there if you need anything ... do you need help?' If you don't believe me ... ask one of them sometimes, they will get angry at you ... and that's the end of the 'friendship'.

Don't believe me? Try it some time. It's been many years since I learned that lesson. I'll never ask anyone for help ... and I hope no one will ever say 'if you need help, just let me know!' I don't like it ... I won't listen. I will tell them I would never ask help from ... them ... and mean it.

People help each other without asking when it's from the heart. I know I do, and if possible I quietly find a way to do it to keep them from feeling embarrassed. I know how it feels. Please don't tell me to call you if I need help ... I'm not like that. When you say that ... I know it would be a problem for you to ... help me.

This is what has been on my mind this morning. In writing this ... it helped me to dry my own tears, and to gain new perspective.

You don't want to ever be in the situation I'm in when entering a new world ... an older world. You will want to have a huge support system so when you are ill .... they are there for you.

You will want to have financial stability ... so, you don't have to worry how you will buy gas to go to the hospital, doctors, what to buy healthy for groceries, pay co-pays for doctors, medicines... how to take care of your pets' medical needs, buy their special food ... buy anything. So, money is very important ... it does make the world go 'round. It isn't always the root of 'all evil'.

You might also, take from my experiences ... don't ask someone 'if' they need help ... they will automatically say, 'no'. Study yourself when you do that ... you'll see that you really weren't sincere 'if' you had to tell someone that. You did that because those are the 'magic words' ... to prevent them from asking for your help. Did you think about it for a minute? I'm right, aren't I?

If you want to help someone ... run, do it naturally. Don't wait to ask. I tell you this so, you'll think about it when you see your loved ones, and friends, and whoever struggling. If you sincerely want to help ... you don't have to ask ... you already know the answer.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Congestive Heart Failure ... Heart Catheterization ... Groin Bleed





Once again ... I almost lost my whole world. I'm so thankful I didn't. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.





Before daylight, yesterday morning before daylight (March 14, 2016) ... I had to get Skip to the Emergency Room.  I drove almost 40 miles to get there.  Our local hospital only 4 miles from where we live ... is closed.


Skip went into congestive heart failure.  They got almost 4 liters of fluid.  He was literally 'drowning' in his own fluids.  He had difficulty breathing.  It was a good thing I got him to the hospital.


Today, Skip had a heart catheterization ... unexpectedly, they put a stent in his heart.  Not only that ... when he was brought back to his room ... a special nurse came in to pull the shaft out of the 'hole' where they did the procedure.
He had a groin bleed!


Below is what I wrote on my Facebook page when I updated everyone, thanked them for all the special prayers sent our way.  I copied, pasted it instead of trying to write it all again.  Below is all about what happened today:




March 15, 2016 ... Tuesday:

Today when Skip had his heart catheterization ... they had to put a stent in.

When they brought him back to the room, they waited a while and called a special nurse to come 'pull the shaft' out of the hole made for the heart catheterization.

Skip had a groin bleed. His skin began swelling ... blood underneath the skin. This normally doesn't happen. It was awful ... three nurses began putting pressure on his groin ... the pain was unbearable. Skip was almost screaming, his mouth turned white. His nurse gave him morphine to help the pain ... he still felt the pain.

The nurses kept the pressure on his groin, pressing very hard with their hands ... for 20 minutes. Then ... they put a device on his groin to keep pressure on the hole. After an hour, they released the device ... but, it's still in place ... 'just in case', and they wouldn't have to scramble putting it on him.

He has a good nurse who has been in his room all day ... she only went out for minutes at a time. She monitored him all day, and was still there when I left this evening.

Skip can't get up or move until 7:00 pm tonight. He has been through so much pain, and it was so scary when all that was going on. I stayed by his side touching him, speaking softly to him ... he was in agony for so long. His blood pressure kept going so high, then it would drop. What a roller coaster.

If the bleeding didn't stop ... a person can 'bleed out' in 7 minutes. This is one of those things 'that can go wrong'.

I was so glad when Skip got better. I stayed calm the whole time, but in my mind ... it was another story. I was so afraid. Gracious! I want to cry now, thinking about it. 

smile emoticon
I know all the prayers that all of you sent ... made all the difference. Thank you from my Heart. It means the world to me.

It is possible ... Skip can come home tomorrow. I just hope he has a good night. I looked at the clock, he'll be able to sit up in 30 minutes smile emoticon Goodnight, everyone heart emoticon I send love to all of you, and I'm grateful for all of your caring.

Someone bought gas for me today, it meant the world to me. I don't know if they'll see this here ... I was on empty not knowing what to do. I can't tell you how much it meant. I didn't have to ask, they just did it. Thank you from my very Heart heart emoticon





Sunday, March 13, 2016

Naked and Afraid ...


The good thing about imagining something is that you can come back to reality at anytime. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.




By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny




Wow ... could you be dropped off like in an Amazon jungle ... naked?  Can you even imagine?  I would be very afraid.

I find it hard to imagine so, as I write about trying to 'feel' what it could even possibly be like ... I will imagine at the same time.  I haven't walked in these shoes ... they are some shoes I hope never to walk.

One of our favorite shows on Discovery Channel is ... Naked and Afraid.  The challenges they face are almost impossible to the average person.  How many people could survive staying out in the jungle with all the dangers ... naked, afraid for 21 days?

We are told nothing is impossible ... I have to disagree.  Some things are impossible ... for me.  I would have a fighting chance if I could keep my clothes, boots ... I'd probably learn to wear a hat of sorts.

Is your imagination going yet?  I heard something ... behind the rock over there!  It's growling ... I hear the undergrowth moving, rustling as whatever it is ... comes toward me!

I begin praying as I looked quickly around me for a place of safety!  The tree ... can I make it ... I look back quickly to see the bush nearest me move violently!  It's too late!  I run like hell, hoping I can climb the tree ... I hadn't climbed a tree since being a child.

The skin on my knees began to tear as I shimmied up the tree.  I could feel the wet, cold blood ... sticky!  I kept climbing ... getting to a huge limb I could sit on.  I hear the awful growling the whole time!

What is it, what is it?  I turn to sit down on the big limb, almost topple to the ground at what I see!  I close my eyes for a moment ... steady myself.

A huge crocodile is looking up at me!  It had to be about 15 feet long!  Will it stay there forever to wait for me to come down ... wait to eat me up?

I sat there in shock .... thirty minutes went by ... an hour.  The crocodile never moved ... it wanted me.  I listened to the water moving nearby ... I wished it would go back home.

My ass was hurting ... meaning the shock was wearing off.  The bark was digging into my naked skin.  Thankfully ... the limb I sat on was wide ... and not only that, I could nestle into where it joined the tree ... I did just that.

I was going to sit here ... forever.  I heard a sound below me.  I peeped down at the crocodile.  It's head was turned toward the water!  I heard a soft growl as it began slowly turning toward the water.  Is it going to leave?

I looked toward the water where its attention seemed drawn.  A delicate deer-like creature stood in the sunshine, head down to the water.  The crocodile was slowly inching its way toward it.

I fought the urge to shout, scare it away ... I just wanted the crocodile to leave so, I could escape.

I waited until the crocodile got closer to the deer ... I yelled as loud as I could.  I couldn't sit there, watch the crocodile attack it.  I just couldn't.  My yell startled the deer ... it quickly ran off into the brush.  The crocodile kept going until it reached the water ... slipped right into it.  I was safe!  The deer was safe!

Now ... to get down from this tree!  How in the world could I climb down.  The shock was gone ... so, no matter what I did now, everything would hurt my naked body.  My legs were sticky-red with blood. The bark cut, shredded my shins all the way up to my knees.  By this time, I was feeling the flies biting me.

How in the heck did I get up in this tree!  I just didn't think I could go back down it.

I heard the leaves rustling above me ... wonder what that is?  I looked up, two feet away was a ... giant-ass snake flicking its tongue out at me!

Help me!  Help me!  I began to scream ... the next thing I know is... I am on the ground standing on both feet.  I came down that tree before even I knew it!

I now ... know what would motivate me to survive ... fear.  Thankfully ... I had the burlap bag around my neck ... I had some fruit I'd found earlier, in it.  I stood there, enjoying the fruit ... something began licking my hand!  Oh my God!  What is it?

I was ready to take off running when I looked down ... came back to reality.  My dog was licking my hand.  I had just been in the grips of my imagination ... to see how it felt to walk in the shoes of people who are naked and afraid.

How about you?  Did you go along with me on my trip ... imagine your own story?  Did you imagine you were ... naked and afraid?


What one tool would you select to take with you?  I guess I would take the machete.  I'd like to take the chemical to purify water.




Note by this Author:

I like survival shows ... I get lost in thinking I'm right there along with them on their journeys in strange terrain ... filled with dangerous creatures, water that can make one sick.

I shiver with them as they sit in the cold with rain pouring down on them.  I wish they had made a shelter.  I am right there ... along for the ride.

Photo/story owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



Saturday, March 12, 2016

Life Is What It Is ... So ... Is Death

Life Is What It Is ... So ... Is Death
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny





Life is what it is ... so is death by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.




Photo of chest with my brother, Rick-Rick's ashes.  Photo owned by me, and I have his ashes.  I also, have my mother's ashes in a rose chest.







I've been thinking a lot today ... no, lately ... no, thinking a lot all the time.  I never stop thinking. Truthfully, I think we all think while we think we don't.  Did I say the word 'think' enough?

I told Skip today that as I get older ... I am going to grow 'old' with a personality.  He told me I already have personality.  I smiled.

I mean ... I don't want to grow older ... all frumpy, gray-headed, have a big belly.  I want to look nice ... colorful ... have wild-hair ... wear high heels, skirts ... be sassy.  The ladies in this area cut their hair off short ... tease, spray it.  No, can do.  I would rather it look wild as hell, unkempt first.  I've let myself go long enough.

I don't knock anyone for their look, style.  I do get aggravated with mine.  I never used to look the way I do ... as I grew older  Life kicked my ass ... and this is the ... end result.

I've been giving this a lot of thought.  I always looked pretty through time until the past years.  Grief does something to a person.  Now ... it's only at times I do ... I have to feel very good to 'primp.'

Five years has gone by ... almost 6 years in May this year ... I've coped with my grief.

I have it in perspective ... all is in the proper place in my mind.  I'm alright now.  I'm going to be alright.  Sure, there will be times I'll grieve deeply.  I see by this time ... it will happen.  It'll happen out of the blue.  I will hold my ground, face it ... cope with it.  I'll write away my pain ... I won't talk about it, only write it.

Now ... today ... tomorrow ... I have my mind on my appearance.  I think it's time to work on my physical appearance.  I've done good with my mental health.  I had begun doing just that ... only to 'let go' when Skip had his stroke/pacemaker in January.

I lost my focus on myself.  I gained back 12 lbs. of the 30 some lbs. of weight I had lost.  I didn't care ... Skip and the Pups were my priority.  Life is like that ... our loved ones come first before anything.  I was going through a lot mentally ... I almost lost Skip.

Skip and our Pups are my whole world.  I honestly don't ... have anyone else in this big, old world.  Most people have a family support system ... I don't have such.  I am on my own ... no one in his or my family are close enough to be called ... close family.  So basically ... we are all we got.  That's okay ... we are used to that.

Skip and I attended a funeral recently.  We did a lot of talking afterwards.  We have decided to do what we have originally decided to do ... if one of us dies.

I don't want Skip to tell anyone that I've died ... just call the place where we want to have our bodies cremated ... do it quietly.  No viewing, no people ... no service at all.  I don't have any family close enough to call ... family.

Either Skip or I ... if one of us dies ... will quietly go pick up the ashes of the other to bring home.  They will be placed beside the 2 urns with the ashes of Fairchild, our 12 year old Rottie who died with cancer ... and Chadwick, our 7 year old Coy dog who died during a seizure.

Skip feels the same way .... I won't call anyone, nor let anyone know if ... he dies.  No one will know until later ... after all is said, done.  I will honor his wishes ... he will honor mine.

We both went over the information we have in place to take care of arrangements so, the other will know what to do.  That will make it better for the one left ... when grieving ... one can't think the best.

We talked about the material things we have ... we don't have a lot.  They will be sold for the one left ... to live on.  Nobody related to us will get anything ... there's no need to come around after one of us is gone.

Our wills state no one is to get anything ... only the one of us that is left gets all ... and it can be sold if we want to ... in order to help with the cost of living.

I'm sure everyone has in place what they want to do, have wishes for how things will be when they die.  No one likes to talk about these things.  Well ... we know with all we've been through ... we know things can happen ... it's time to face reality.  Life is what it is ... so, is death.





Note by this Author:

Photo/post owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  These are our wishes ... when we die.  Life is what it is ... so, is death.







Friday, March 11, 2016

I Just Wish I Could Save the Whole World




Sometimes ... I feel very sad ... because I know reality is ... people, animals ... even me, my loved ones ... will have to die one day ... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter





I have been watching the news this evening.  I saw video of the homes of hundreds of people being flooded ... rains, river.

My Heart breaks at the thought of people having to leave their homes ... possessions that make their homes a home ... their life comfortable.

The closest I can come to imagining what it's like is when we lost everything in a fire.  It happened so fast ... we couldn't save anything but, our Pups ... ourselves.

I feel sad, afraid for the many people who now, face life having to begin all over.  I know there are many tears being shed ... grief.  I am so very sorry.

I get the impression that now ... storms are doing such damage, destruction here in the United States like never before.  I know that when we get storms in our area in today's time ... storms always cause destruction ... even death.  I'm very nervous when storms come up.  It seems they are more intense now.

Do you ever worry about strangers ... care with your Heart ... feel pain at the thoughts of so many people suffering ... people you don't know?  Animals?  I think about such things all the time.  Sometimes, the thoughts overwhelm me ... I have to get my attention on something else.  I can't bear for people, animals to suffer.

I am bothered by the many animals we see ... laying on the roads from being hit by vehicles.  Do you know ... I say a prayer for every one I see.

My prayers go something like this:  I pray that you didn't suffer when you were struck by a vehicle.  I'm so sorry that you died.

Maybe you think I'm silly for caring ... it's true.  I've always done this.  I'll always do it.  I care for every animal I see.  I stop to move turtles out of the road.

My prayers are that you and your loved ones ... and animals are always safe.  Lately I've been sad when a family lost their dear loved one.  It hurt my Heart deeply.  Of course, I felt so much caring for the whole family ... and as a grieving mother ... I understood what the mother is going through ... will go through.  I'm so sorry ... I would walk that road of grief she is on now for her if I could ... I know the way ... and know it well. I'm so sorry for what she'll have to go through in her journey of grief.

These are thoughts on my mind tonight as I sit here at my computer.  I feel such love, caring ... for people, animals I don't even know.  I worry for the world.  I just wish I could save the whole world.



Note by this Author:

These are true thoughts I feel ... no matter if they sound silly.  I truly wish ... I could save this whole world.  I know I can't in reality ... doesn't stop me from wishing with my Heart that I could.  I'm so sorry when people have to feel pain, grief, heartache.  I know how it feels ... it hurts so bad.

Photo/true thoughts owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.